


Visitor

by ThirstyCasual



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Out of Character, Regret, Serial Killers, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23116531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirstyCasual/pseuds/ThirstyCasual
Summary: This is a sequel to my first fic, The Promise.
Relationships: Khada Jhin/Reader
Comments: 44
Kudos: 102





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> PS: stay safe, wash yo hands! Corona hit us all hard, but I hope to make times easier for us (very few) Jhin fangirls. <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jhin introduces his companion, the reader, to the stage.
> 
> Endings are hard, mkay? X(

There were four quick knocks on your door. You knew it was Jhin, he'd let his presence known to you through the number of knocks, his return to you was as certain as your next breath as you walked to the door. He would always visit around every four weeks, although his schedule had been more exact than you had kept count of, so far. You put on a dressing gown on top of your loungewear as you took the few steps to the door, opening it for your lover and greeting him with a smile.

"Hello, dear.” Jhin bowed to you, his appearance taking you by surprise. He wore his usual disguise to cover his face, yet his outfit was a change of style completely - he wore a sleeveless, tight, silky black tunic that hugged his form, revealing his toned arms and concealing his neck, the tunic itself was parted in the middle with golden embellishments. Atop of it, he wore a beautiful satin cape on his right shoulder that had a subtle transition in color, a gradient; the topside of it was black, flowing to gold at the lower edge; the inside of it was golden as well, shining with every movement Jhin made, and matching the bracelet and rings on the fingers of his arm that bore the cape, which seemed to be resting on a strange cane. His pants had a subtle glistening floral pattern, their deep forest green contrasting his outfits’ dominant colors. Jhin’s left leg armor composed the whole ensemble of clothes into an asymmetrical masterpiece, with contorted, smooth shapes, like snakes around it; his right calf was snugly snared with dark brown leather that matched your usual shoes and his left armbrace. Overall, he looked straight out of a fairytale, elegant and mysterious, despite the practical tone of the pieces.

"Oh wow,” you responded to seeing him with a grin on your lips. “Special evening tonight?” you asked, pulling your robe tighter, you saw Jhin nod as he revealed his left arm, which held a tiny piece of paper in it, its information sheathed from prying eyes.

"Very special indeed, my little secret.” he spoke, handing you the envelope. “Oh, put that on the table if you will, it’s just an invitation.” he pointed in the general direction behind you. In the meantime, Jhin picked up a package next to him and handed it to you just as you came back at the door.

There was a look of confusion on your face as when you picked it up. The brown paper crinkled in your hands, and the strings containing it were tightly knotted in place. “What’s this?” you asked Jhin. “Early birthday present?" you joked.

Jhin chuckled. “Please, dear. Don’t be silly.” he spoke as he conjured a single black rose behind his back, handing it to you. “You’ve never known the joys of theater, so allow me to introduce you to the wonders of the stage.” he bowed slightly, waiting for you to pick up the flower.

“Black, this time?” you asked, taking the rose in your hand, “Thank you.” and with a polite smile on your face, you showed gratitude.

“Ah, you are correct! Black is not fitting for the occasion.” he put his hand over his chest as he spoke, flabbergasted by his poor choice of color. “This should be more appropriate.” he touched the rose, turning it gold, and smiled behind his mask. “Much better.” Jhin spoke to himself. He turned his gaze to you. “You will accompany me tonight, darling. Open your package.” he demanded.

Jhin wanted you to come with him to one of his former traveling theaters’ rivals, who happened to be performing nearby in the town you worked in.

“May I come in?” he asked curiously as you seemed occupied with studying his gifts. He saw you gesturing him to come inside while you were busy tearing apart the wrapping of the contents, a dress he had chosen for you and a mask. Everything needed to be perfect, so he made sure of every tiny detail that the evening would consist of. He walked in, took a seat in the kitchen and sat cross legged and watched you struggle more with the strings. Amused, he chuckled almost inaudibly as he saw you grow frustrated. He observed you, power walking to your knife, package in hand, grabbing the blade and cutting the strings with little mercy for the thread. He took off his mask, and pulled out a cherry flavoured cigarette to smoke, watching you get ready for the show. He inhaled the tobacco, and then shortly after he let out a puff that seemed more of a sigh than a normal breath. “I hope you like it.” he told you.

You tore open the crinkly paper and revealed a mask which rested above metallic looking fabric. The masks’ shape was fitted to your face, it was simple and elegant, despite faintly resembling an animal skull, with fangs to match. It was a smaller porcelain-like mask, and would leave your jaw free, revealing your bottom lip. You placed it aside and took the fabric in your hands, discovering the dress. It was made up of two pieces, the top of it was a sleeveless golden turtleneck whose floral patterns mimicked Jhin’s, the middle of it was a small window of cleavage; tasteful, but not over the top or very revealing. The skirt of it was a flowy, light material, its color was black, stretching to the ankles, and the bottom of it had tiny forest green crystals here and there, as if mother nature sprinkled them as she would sprinkle dewdrops on leaves during summer mornings. You were left astounded at your gift, and your genuine smile while you unpacked it was something that Jhin hated to love. You blinked in disbelief, and looked at your lover, “It’s… wow! I like it.” you spoke. “No wait, actually... I love it. Thank you!” you got up like a child who just received the toy they had been asking for. You started undressing before Jhin, and felt his look on you as you did so. While you pulled the dress pieces on you, you added a few words to him. “What about shoes, make up, hair?” you asked, concerned your appearance would be incomplete.

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” he spoke as he took one last puff out his half-smoked cigarette, snuffing its embers afterwards. “The shoes you have will make do. They’re not as elegant as they should be, but… you need something comfortable.” he spoke, an ‘uhh’ sound came out of his mouth as he continued. “To walk in.” he added.

You shot him an uncertain smile, and you giggled nervously. “Okay?”

“As for make up,” he resumed talking. “Black eyeshadow will bring out your eyes beneath the mask. Your hair is fine the way it is.” Jhin instructed.

You shot him a look and finished putting on the dress, adjusting it slightly. You raised your eyebrows. “If you say so, you’re the great artist.” you told him, teasing him. You saw him roll his eyes playfully at your attitude. “How do I look?” you asked.

"Put on your mask.” Jhin told you. He saw you turn around to do so.

“Right, how about now?” you turned around gracefully, placed your hand on a hip and twitched your head to whip your hair away, as it had fallen in your masks' view. You saw Jhin light up, a genuine smile betraying his serious attitude.

"Lovely.” Jhin told you in a whisper, his pulse rising slightly at the sight of you all dressed up and looking as elegant as you did. He walked to you and adjusted your hair, and straightened the rebel creases in your dress. “It looks as if my tastes suit you as well, if I dare say so.” he spoke, caressing your neck. “Tell me, how does it feel?” Jhin asked you.

“The dress?” you asked with uncertainty. “Comfortable.”

"No, darling, the mask.” he corrected.

You thought about it, focusing on the way it felt on your face. The velvet lining inside of it smelt like Jhin and it warmed your face up in its tightness. You look at Jhin before you, who was maskless. You chuckled, “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” and placed a hand on his cheek, caressing it. “It does feel strange, but I’ll get used to it.” you looked at Jhin, who was looking back at you intensely. “You didn’t put a curse on it, did you?”

“What?” Jhin shot up, shocked. “Of course not.” he told you sternly. “Where did you even get that?" He asked.

"You're looking at me like funny." You replied casually.

"That is a ridiculous accusation, it’s just magically enhanced. Positively.” he told you, defending himself.

“Positively?” you crossed your arms, sighing. You saw Jhin nod proudly, leaving you confused.

He assured you. “I’ve used magic on you before. It is just like that.” recalling the time he had last used his talents on you back when you first met, except this wouldn't be quite the same. His real motive was to help you see the world as he sees it, relentless in his pursuit to make you understand his art, and the enchantment within would help push your limits.

"Alright, fine.” You sighed, exasperated, looking at the clock - it was late in the afternoon. “When does the show start?” you inquired.

“We should head out soon.” he answered, “It takes us a while to get there, but I suppose we ought to keep them in suspense a bit.” Jhin spoke to you, coming closer as he took off your mask and then kissed you sweetly. His lips danced with yours in a gentle way, before he spoke against them, the taste of cherry tobacco lingered on them and on his breath. "I like being fashionably late.” he continued his endeavour, placing the mask on the nearest surface and bringing his hands to yours, walking close to you. "Allow me to compliment you, my dear - you are an exquisite companion, with the looks to match." He praised, proud of himself for choosing just the perfect outfit for you, enhancing your natural traits. "I do admit I am quite taken with you like this."

You played the refined lady, pretending to be just as verbose as he was. "You flatter me, my enigmatic artist. I can say the same about you, you're such a sight for these sore eyes." You smiled at him, trying not to laugh. You heard him chuckle to himself in delight as he brought his hands to your cheeks, rewarding your well spoken lines with a kiss.

Jhin was a romantic, passionate person once he got comfortable around you, always paying attention to the small details such as your preferences, studying the way you sighed, the way you cried and the way you simply moved around him. Despite being an exquisite lover, he found it hard to keep his desire to himself as he possesively took your full attention and affection every time he was in your presence, going so far as to be excessively jealous of what would have your eye. Nothing else existed in the world while you were with him, and he would not have it any other way; he wanted your undivided attention, as he gave his in return. You accepted his terms, given his visits were not daily - you saw him once or twice a month at most.

You felt lost in the thought of him as he wrapped his arm around you and swayed in a wannabe dance with you, passing the few minutes of the sunset in an intimate moment, embracing and kissing in the slow tango of love. You bit his lip and heard him groan, break the kiss and look at you with longing in his tired eyes.

"Don’t start a fire within me just now, dear. The sun has set.” he spoke in a half whisper, looking out the window. “We must head out.” Jhin predicted. “Trust me, this show will be the first -and the best- you’ll ever see.” he boasted to you proudly.

You grabbed your mask and put it on while you walked towards the door. Then, you saw Jhin do the same and walk ahead, patiently waiting at the exit, like a gentleman would, with his arm bent.

“Lead the way, then.” You wrapped your hand around his arm as he offered it, and you walked out the door, strolling with him to town.

The woods were pretty calm, the usual caressing breeze was absent and the warm summer evening air had a pleasant smell engulfing the surroundings; crickets were serenading the ambient as fireflies danced to their music; the sky was darkening, the horizon was a bright thin yellow line as the sun said goodnight to the world, leaving in its wake a palette of pinks, purples and dark red, tainting the few clouds gently floating and drifting with no sense of direction before darkness made its imposing presence known along with the night sky. The shy splatters of stars decorated the whole composition like tiny glittering gems and the timid evening star shone brightest among them. You heard Jhin gently hum a familiar melody, its tune was just as comforting as his presence as you clung to his arm, each step you made synchronized with his.

"So...” you shattered the stillness of the atmosphere. You had been walking for around half an hour, and you were growing curious about the circumstances.

"Hm?” Jhin turned his attention to you.

“Who’s performing? What’s the play?” you asked.

He smirked under his mask. “Another Ionian artist, one of my favorites, I would add.” he spoke, his smug smile hidden behind his disguise. “And I know you won’t expect this, but it’s a romantic plot. It’s about a man trying to win over a woman by making her see his true self, and his love for her. The decor is very gaudy and the costumes are kitsch, but the one who plays the man makes up for it. He is an excellent actor.” he told you.

“I thought you didn’t like romance.” you poked him with your elbow.

“Oh, darling.” Jhin spoke as if he was offended. “I don’t write romance, but I have dabbled in it here and there. It seems tonight I am living it as well.” he nudged you back, his tone was cheerful and mysterious, and he heard you chuckle and lean your head on his shoulder as your walk continued. He used to hate romance when he was younger, but over the years, and thanks due to the influence you had on him, he softened up to the genre, accepting it as his own taste - it wasn’t his favorite by far and it certainly did not compete with his passion for drama nor tragedy, but he didn’t deny it any longer and just decided it was a guilty pleasure he wouldn’t tell just anyone.

“If you say so, loverboy.” you teased Jhin and heard him sigh in annoyance. He disliked you calling him that, but you found it amusing to pester him from time to time.

“Now I regret telling you that.” he spoke plainly. “How dare you break my heart so!” his tone was dramatically downcast, but his sarcasm was clear.

You giggled and moved your arm around his waist, pulling him closer as you kept walking; he moved his own arm over your shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jhin. I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.” you mentioned.

“You surely know sorry isn’t good enough, darling.” he replied, whispering seductively in your ear. After a few more minutes of walking, the lights of the town were in sight, distance to it growing shorter and shorter as you approached it. The lanterns placed in the streets suggested a festival. “You can apologize later, we’re almost there.” he noted, and brushed your hair back in place, letting go of your shoulder.

You looked around and took in the beautiful colored lights around you, and glanced at Jhin, who was seemed mesmerized by the shine of the lanterns as well. The light reflected in the golden material of your dress top, and in Jhin’s eyes. You let him rest his arm as he lowered it and you grabbed his hand in yours, brushing his skin with your thumb and you felt him tighten his grasp. "Didn't know there was a festival going around." You spoke.

"No, I... You couldn't have known, I suppose." He told you, hiding the fact that he himself made arrangements to greet your arrival - and his - in town with such grandeour and display of color all around. "Yet amongst all these lights, you still shine brightest, my little secret." His tone was flirty, taking your hand in his and kissing it through his mask.

"Oh, stop it, you. You're just trying to make me blush." You replied, chuckling and flustered. You heard Jhin laugh softly as he kept leading you towards the destination.

"I can try for more than that, if you'd like me to." He smirked behind his mask, and he cursed your own disguise that concealed the reaction you had to his words. He loved showering you with compliments, as he knew he would get the same in return.

"We both know that would be inappropriate right now." You joked, teasing him.

You approached the theater, its building was one of the more elegant ones in the small town - majestic and refined, yet shy in its size. A hefty number of people had already gathered outside and formed a queue to enter in, and as you were estimating how long it would take before you would enter, you felt Jhin shake your hand gently as you stepped in, waiting your turn.

“Don’t be silly, dear, the queue is for guests.” he whispered to you and pulled you aside.

You furrowed your brows and looked at him, confused. “What are we then?” you asked, following him as he walked away.

Jhin left you with no answer and dragged you in the backdoor, sneaking around with you behind him. “Stay behind me and don’t walk away.” he told you. “And don’t say a word.” he warned you as both of you sneaked around in the hallways of the theater.

“Right. No words.” you said slyly, pulling him aside, dragging him in a small wardrobe depository room. “How about actions?” you quickly took off your mask along with his and started kissing him with fervor.

Jhin gasped, surprised at your forwardness as you pulled him by his shoulders - he was used to you behaving in public for the restricted number of times you had gone out of the house; no extravagant displays of affection was the norm, and this was the complete opposite. He kissed you back with more passion and hunger, pinning you against a wall. He felt your hands caress the back of his head, your kiss was like a drug that kept him from thinking straight, and as so he wrapped his arms around your waist, french kissing you and toying with your tongue as he grew restless in his movements, pressing you tighter against the wall. He sighed deeply, taking his hands to your cheeks and breaking the kiss. “Believe me, love, I’d take you right here and now, had we been under different circumstances.” he spoke in a hush, clearing his throat afterwards and put your mask back on your face before doing the same to his own. “Don’t give me that look.” he told you in disappointment, seeing you stare daggers at him while he pulled you back out of the room.

Just as you exited the wardrobe, you walked for a few more meters before you turned around a corner and met a guard right in front of a door. You froze behind Jhin, who stopped between you and him as he put up a hand, halting the both of you.

“Finally, the jester came back. The others have been looking for you.” the guard spoke to Jhin, who was annoyed the man had suddenly called him a jester.

“I apologize, I must be late to the last minute rehearsal.” Jhin told the guard.

“Indeed. And you?” the guard pointed at you.

“She is with me. Moral support, you see - mask and all. I needed a good luck kiss before the show starts, but I will take her to her seat now.” you heard him barter and lie, he got closer to the guard and whispered to him, inaudible to you, giving you a quick glance. “You know how women are. Always making men late, damned harpies!”

The guard guffawed and opened the door, letting you both pass.

“What did you tell him?” you asked.

“What he needed to hear.” Jhin responded in a bored yet serious tone. He didn’t want to tell you, considering he himself felt disgusted by the act he had to put up, and made his skin feel nasty just by thinking of talking about you like that. Talking ill of his art was unthinkable, and it was the same case with you.

“Why did he think you were a jester?” you noted, studying at his outfit thoroughly.

“He must have been almost blind - you could tell so by the way he was peering at me...” he said in a knowledgeable tone, “He didn’t realize I’m not actually one of the actors.” he spoke in a sad, disappointed voice. "I don't look like one, do I?"

"No!" You laughed at Jhin as he shuddered after he spoke, both of you walked up a few stairs, taking the back seats which were normally reserved for VIP guests. Jhin had stolen the invitations of the people who were supposed to be filling them beforehand and left them at your house, making sure you had the best view in the theater. You sat down before him as he gestured to you to do so.

“I thought you said we’re not guests. You're not an actor either. What's going on?” you noted.

"You will see. Please stop asking.” Jhin responded, irritated.

You knew better than to step on his toes, thus you avoided pressing further and pissing off Jhin, so you kept quiet. You had no desire to test his patience, especially now as people started filling the chamber and taking their places. You saw Jhin slouch in his chair, lean his head on his hand and arm, which in turn kept themselves straight up on the armrest. He put his legs on top of the balcony railing in front.

“If people knew where to go and where their seats were, the show would have started ten minutes ago.” he spoke, annoyed by the murmur of the crowd. “I thought we’d be here just in time.” he kept complaining. “I hate waiting.”

“It’s alright, Jhin.” you placed your hand on his thigh and looked at him. “It shouldn’t be long now, I think.” you felt as he took your hand off and held it in his and fidgeted with your fingers mindlessly, exhaling sharply.

Jhin squinted beneath his mask in his irritation. He patted his pistol, which rested in a holster concealed by his cape. He counted to four on repeat in his mind, waiting for the show to start, and paying your presence no mind. This wasn’t going according to plan, and he grew nervous. Counting was the only thing that calmed him down. He looked at you with a wide-eyed, intense gaze as he was thinking of your moment earlier; he saw you look back, and he was left disarmed completely when you winked at him playfully. He closed his eyes and focused his mind, deeply exhaling and slowing his breath.

You smiled and looked away, you crossed your legs as you patiently waited for the curtain to rise, taking advantage of the darkness of the chamber and drifting off into your thoughts. Without even realizing, you dozed off.

As the curtain rose, the sight of you and Jhin struck the actors while they bathed in the cheering of the audience. You were two masks standing out in the crowd, right in the middle of it, as they made their entrance.

Jhin saw you nod off and he watched the play alone, considering he preferred it that way. The real act was something boring, historical, that made almost no sense to him, and the performances were subpar; he grew restless with every tiny mistake unnoticeable to the untrained eye: every misspoken line, every prop item breaking or being misplaced, and the actors clumsily tripping over their poorly made costumes. It’s as if he was almost jealous of you; he knew, however, what would happen next, and he needed to be as awake as he could be.

_"Vengeance, my lord! We must act upon the treachery that insulted our home.” an actor acclaimed, loudly, to his counterpart._

“ **UGH**!” Jhin said loudly, waking you up by shaking your shoulder. The audience turned to him as he stood up. “You call this art?” he verbally attacked.

You were mortified, awoken to the sight of your companion standing up next to you.

"Surely, a child could act and write a better scenario than… whatever your little play pretend is.” he looked at the actors, speaking to them in a clear, condescending demeanor. There were four of them as expected. One to play jester that he was mistaken for earlier: his costume vaguely resembled Jhin's, making him despise the whole thing moreso than before. Another was a knight, yet his armor was of poor craftsmanship, assembled out of broken bits and scraps of rusted metal, creaking in an eerie way every time he would take a bow. There was a woman there as a servant, dressed in painfully obvious fake rags - she seemed beautiful in her simplicity, behind the soot covering her face, dirtying up her figure. The fourth was the king, wearing a shitty cape and a crown to match, whom Jhin had reserved a special performance for last. The Golden Demon jumped down from the small VIP balcony into the audience, and walked across the seats by stepping on the backrests, proudly skipping towards the stage, stepping on shoulders and jumping a row or two of chairs, his movements were flowy, mesmerizing, and his cape danced behind him, shining in the light of the prop candles. Jhin landed on the stage in front of the actors with the feline grace he always seemed to display so effortlessly, and took in the view before him. The audience was now _his_. He felt adrenaline rushing to his veins, the feeling of the crowds eyes on him and the whispers circulating around him fueled him and his need to perform. He was nervous, but he felt the feeling wash away in an instant as someone spoke.

“Please, sir. Sit down or get out.” the man playing king told Jhin.

“Worry not, my king. I shall be the savior of your fake, droll kingdom.” He played along as he drew his gun, rolling his eyes behind his mask and taunting the actor. “You’re not even talented enough to keep the audience captivated, you fools!" His voice cracked for a second as he was scolding them harshly, his tone raised but not yelling. "Don’t you see them yawn and shuffle in their seats?" There was passion in his manner of speech, despite the frustration within him being clear. " _Wake up, everybody_!” he screamed as he threw a smoke grenade behind the actors. The stage was filled with colored clouds and sparkles quite rapidly, the green hues he chose for this grenade went just perfect with his new outfit. “Feast your eyes upon my perfection.” he orated as he loaded his gun with magical bullets, letting everyone know what was about to happen. He turned to the audience. "This... Garbage. It will be cast out by true art, and tonight we have a _very_ special guest.” he held up his gun and twirled it in his palm and smirked behind the mask, stressing his last few words and putting emphasis on his syllables as he paced on the stage left and right in an alert tempo.

The audience was mostly confused, and only a handful of them quickly realized who Jhin was, and were nervously trying to shimmy out of their chairs quietly.

“Run! This is the Golden Demon!” the man playing the knight shouted at the audience.

Jhin turned around to the actors, who were growing uneasy and spooked. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. Must you ruin this moment? Those were not your lines.” he spoke, heartbroken. He turned to the audience again, his tone grave, warning them. “If any of you dare to run, there are traps at the exists. Die, or watch these puppets dance.” He saw the crowd freeze in place. “You all paid to see a performance, and a performance you shall get.”

You watched Jhin as he acted his part, enthralled by him; you hadn’t seen him like this since you met. You had avoided acknowledging who he was, living in a play pretend where he was just your lover and that was the end of it. You slowly realize he was talking about himself when describing the plot earlier, and you knew he wanted to break the illusion he knew you held for him. Your voice fled as you were too scared to do anything. Your heart beat fast and there was an uneasy feeling, yet the confidence and presence he displayed when he was on stage showed another part of him which eased any glimpse of doubt you felt in your consciousness regarding him.

“Now, say your lines, tin can.” he pointed the gun at the knight. “I believe they were ‘Please don’t kill me!’ and ‘How dare you?!’” he spoke, mocking the man’s voice. His aim was steady.

The knight got on his knees. “Don’t, please.” he begged for his life.

Jhin laughed maniacally at him, slapping his knees. “Wow, I do cut myself up.” he proudly stated to himself before he shot the man and whispered, “One.” His attention was now turned around to the crowd once more. He saw no one else laughing. “I know, I know. Comedy isn’t my forte.” he sighed as he spoke between his teeth.

The victims’ flesh turned to smoke behind Jhin, filling the whole stage with a perfume mist, engulfing the theater and combining with the mystical green smoke, swirling around in feathery, wing shapes. The audience screamed, and a man yelled out. “What foul magic is this?”

“Psh.” Jhin dismissed the man, “What magician tells of his tricks?” he turned around suddenly, and quickly shot the woman playing as a servant, turning to her and kicking her corpse on the ground. “Two. Nothing personal, dear. You were just so bland, not even I had any special ideas for you.” he told her as he watched as the insides of her body lit up and fireflies came out of it. “Ah, I’m feeling better already. Alive. Do you feel alive?” Jhin spoke as he took aim for the jester. “Tell me a joke, clown. Or dance, sing. Make your few last moments count. Perform, as you were meant to.” he demanded. The man moved stiffly in a fake dance, and Jhin sighed in desperation, shooting him down with little hesitation and even less remorse, counting the third victim of his performance in his mind. “Must you all be so talent-less?” The actors’ body turned into flowers, with petals flying around. Jhin yawned as he grew impatient, shoving the king down, whom was frozen in place in fear, and held him beneath his foot as he spoke to the audience. “You paid money for _this_? This is so boring!" He argued. "Tell me,” Jhin lowered his now calm tone. “What should we do to the man who would be king?” he asked, looking at you. “The audience is waiting, darling.”

You looked around. “...Spare him?” you asked, unsure. The crowd turned its hypnotized gaze on you and you felt uncomfortable.

Jhin exhaled in disappointment. “Surely you jest, my dear.” he conjured up vines to hold his hostage in place. “Move aside everyone, we need the fourth one to make a bang!” he walked back to you across the sea of faces, pushing anyone who stood in his way aside while strutting proudly and with confidence in the dimly lit chamber. Jhin came next to you and gave you the gun. He whispered to you as you looked at the crowd, who seemed hypnotized with Jhin just as you were a few minutes before. “My cane.” he picked it up from under the seat, handing it to you. “Assemble it in front of the gun. Then shoot.”

You looked at him, doing as you were told. “I can’t.”

"You **must**." He pierced you with his gaze. “Put your finger on the trigger.”

You did, and suddenly the world was quiet. Only your breath echoed alone in your mind, the silence was reassuring before faint whispers overtook your thoughts, echoing and encouraging you to pull your finger. _Do it, do it, do it, do it. Look, look, look, look. Feel, feel, feel, feel._ The whispers became more and more demanding and deafening as they overlapped, and you looked at the man bound to vines on the stage while you took aim. You breathed in, then out.

You pulled the trigger. 

A wave of panic rushed over you. " _Jhin? Jhin...? Where are you? Jhin, can you hear me? JHIN!"_ Your thoughts clouded your judgement, the words you fabricated in your mind could not escape your throat.

The drumming sound of a bang as the gun fired silenced the whispers, and time seemed to slow as the bullet darted across the room, leaving in its wake a thin trail of smoke, the smell of roses filled your nose. You closed your eyes, afraid to look, frozen in time. If you keep your eyes closed and deny yourself of seeing the consequences of your actions, it didn’t really happen, did it? And so you grasped onto the gun tighter and shut your eyes as hard as you could, a tear rolling down from each one. The silence that fell soon after was deafening.

" _Jhin, I need you. Help me, where are you, what's going on?"_

There was no answer. None but you heard the cries of your consciousness, alone in the dark.

Jhin was gone from your side, back on the stage, next to the victim, bathing in the fake applause he imagined for himself within his mind, knowing a decoy glory that fulfilled his darkest fantasies.

“ _Marvelous_! Now this is what I call art.” Jhin exclaimed. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You may now panic, scream, and run.” he bowed on the stage in front of the composition of your collaboration. “And don’t forget to step on the traps! I worked so hard to make them.” he darkly chuckled shortly, deeply, inaudibly. He swiped his arm in front of him and twirled, embracing himself in the smoke and vanishing as if by magic.

_You kept your eyes closed as you heard the audience scream, free of the unseen shackles that were Jhin’s doing. You heard them cry out in pain as they stepped on traps, running for their lives. You could see lights behind your closed eyes, frozen in your seat with Jhin’s gun in your arms. You kept your eyes shut tightly, afraid to see what you had done to the man. There were tears but none were really yours, you started hearing faint music, and tried to make out the direction of it. It came from nowhere but inside your head, still, the source of the tune was surely the influence of Jhin's magic. The screams slowly turned into a heavenly choir, mending your soul. You suddenly felt calm, your heavy breathing slowing down. You heard Jhin's sighs and the gun felt as if it was humming to you, the same song he mumbled as he idled around you. You grasped it tighter as you felt it get torn from your hands, and you were fighting, struggling against the thought of Jhin trying to engulf your mind as you fell unconscious, the magic overpowering you and knocking you out, lulling you to give into a deep sleep._

Jhin ran back to you between the people hasting outside due to the mass panic he caused, he took the gun from your hand and concealed it once more behind his cape. He took off your mask and his, picked you up in his arms and bolted towards exit, running with you and crying, faking panic as he blended in with the crowd. He slipped out unnoticed as he saw the guards running in, looking for him. He laughed between his fake tears and knew he won once more, another performance well played. This one was his best yet, he thought.

He walked with you in his arms back to your house, making sure no one followed. He kissed your forehead and spoke to you. “Excellent, my darling. You did excellent. Beyond expectations, bravo.” he looked at you in your slumber, your face looked more angelic than he remembered it being, despite looking at it for as long as he could every time he saw it. “I’m so proud of you. I hope you’ll forgive me.” he whispered, but none heard his words.

The next morning, you woke up still dressed in the same clothes you wore to the performance. You sighed, the memory of it hitting you like a freight train, heavy with pain and at the same time, relief. You looked around, and saw Jhin resting at the end of the bed, in casual clothes, sitting in a meditative pose, watching you. “It’s not a bad dream, is it?” you asked, rubbing your eyes with your fingers. “I really did kill a man.”

“Indeed, and what a performance it was!” Jhin affirmed, his tone was needlessly cheerful.

“Shit.” you sighed. “Jhin, I save people, not kill them.” you explained. It was not the first time you saw people die, given so many patients of yours died of different causes that you could not heal, but no lives were ended by you personally.

Jhin laughed, rolling his eyes. “Please, miss do-gooder. I pulled the trigger for you... With you.” he lied to you, knowing you won’t forgive yourself for taking a life. He only wanted you to see his art as he did, and to do so, you needed to submit yourself to the gun, to take a life on your own and to experience it as him. “You turned the man into the most beautiful sculpture I’ve ever seen!” he told you in awe. “It’s such a shame you passed out so quickly, but it’s understandable.” he got up and got you a change of clothes. “The magic was too much for you - you’re not acquainted with anything otherworldly, so to speak. But you’re fine now.” he handed you your clothes. “Oh and, you didn’t lose any important lore or plot of the play while you slept. I just hope you won’t fall asleep at every performance.” he spoke, trying to lighten your somber mood. “That would be just plain rude, darling!" He pinched your cheek playfully as he teased you.

You felt dizzy and sick, and thus Jhin helped you up. He held you by your shoulders and helped you remove the top of the dress, careful not to touch you unnecessarily. “You talk so much. Damn you.” you told him groggily, face to face and now topless before him. He seemed unfazed.

“I’ve already been damned by many before you. The least you can do is thank me.” his tone was devoid of any intonation. “I showed you my art, my true life, then I brought you home, laid you down and made sure you survived such exposure - to magic, to _me._ ” Jhin reminded you as he held your pants as you changed. “None but you are so privileged.” he crossed his arms as he spoke.

“You’re right.” you pulled your casual blouse on. “Thanks.” you spat and you changed the skirt for the pants. You walked closer to Jhin and kissed him on the cheek, your lips stained with a sadness that tainted his skin. “I know you lied about pulling the trigger.” you told him. “Don't do that.” you spoke harshly. “My actions are my own.”

“Mea culpa. May I do anything to keep your mind off of it, then?” Jhin asked politely. He placed an assuring hand on your shoulder.

“I wish I knew.” you spoke, saddened. You sighed in your palms. “Why did you make me do it?” you asked, feeling betrayed. “I know what you do, I’ve seen what you do all those years ago. I want you to know I wanted no part of it.”

Jhin looked at you, concerned. He had no perfect words this time, and all he could do was hope he’d talk you into forgiving him not for doing it, but the way he did it. “Darling,” he spoke cautiously. “You are part of it whether you are involved in my performances or not, as you are a part of me, a driving force of my inspiration. You cannot help that.” he took your hands in his, explaining patiently. “You know who I am, what I am... and I will not apologize for doing what I do.” he spoke with conviction.

Your look was glued to the floor, and your eyes stung and felt as if they were blazing. Jhin seated both of you on the bed, turning your shoulders to him; you heard him speak your name with uncertainty, like a question. “I hate it, but you know I know you’re right. I can’t change what I’ve done, and I hope whatever meets me in the afterlife will forgive me for it.” you sighed deeply. “I did it because I love you.” you moved your eyes to meet Jhin’s. “Even though I sometimes wish I didn’t.” you spoke with acid in your tone, anger creeping inside of you.

“Likewise.” Jhin responded shortly, saying no more.

You looked at his face, and seemed just as sad as you were angry deep inside, his glossy eyes betrayed him even though his face was devoid of emotion. You maintained your gaze into his and the tension between you was as thick as fog. You saw his fingers move slightly, and you seized them in your hand, forcefully holding them down. Your eyes were now drained of tears, and your breath was hitched as you tried to inhale. Your grasp was tight and stonelike, and Jhin was unflinching as you grabbed his other wrist and pushed him on his back, bringing his wrists above his head and holding them down as hard as you could, straddling him. “Fuck you, Jhin.” you said.

“A painfully obvious statement.” he replied sarcastically. He saw you sneer.

“Your jokes are bad. You should feel bad. You kill people. You made me kill someone!” you spoke, your words flowing out uncontrollably, lacing them with venom and angry frustration. “I love you, but you can’t even say it back, ever. And it’s so frustrating, I hate it, because I know you feel the same way and you don’t say it, and you should feel bad for that too.” you kept talking at him while keeping him pinned down, holding his hips between your legs. “And you know what else you should feel bad for? Me!” You spoke out with a raised tone. “Because I’m a moron who saved your life and I can't find regret in that.” you broke down and softened the clutch in your hands. Your eyes met Jhin’s. Your last tear fell from your eyes before you closed them tightly, sighing deeply.

“I know. And sometimes, I do.” Jhin replied with sincerity.

“You always talk so much, and now you decided that words are too hard for you?” you spoke in indignation.

“There is nothing more I can say.” Jhin explained, pausing for a moment and looking at you, taking a short deep breath in. “How did killing that man feel?” he broke free from beneath you and rested on his elbow next to you as you laid on your back. He didn’t feel bad because of your speech, in fact, he expected such a reaction - still, your voice stung at his heart strings, and he accepted your anger, despite hating your choice of words. He felt no remorse, only the pain of disappointment.

“Incredibly beautiful. No one should see murder like that...” you responded, confused. “Is this really what you feel when you kill people?” you asked, afraid and unsure.

Jhin nodded. “Picture it as vastly more intense, but yes. What did you see?” he replied, sitting up and turning around to look at you, intrigued.

“Nothing. I kept my eyes closed.” you confessed, looking at Jhin, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed. “I didn’t see things, but I heard them.” you tried recalling. “There was this wonderful undertone music playing, and I can’t even remember its tune. Screams turned into beautiful vocals and there were memories of you flooding my mind…” you said, thinking hard about what you heard. “It was a nice feeling. Totally not how murder should feel.” 

“Interesting.” Jhin noted.

“Do you hear those things too?” you inquired.

“Sometimes.” he crossed his arms and thought, "Darling, it would break my heart to kill you." he spoke, his hands now on your shoulders.

"What do you mean?" you threaded your voice with worry.

"Murdering my competition is something I do." He warned you; he felt as if he unleashed your own taste for blood; letting it loose in the world was something he thoroughly wanted to avoid, along with a personal distaste for his very few, admitedly dead, copycat killers.

“I noticed.” you said, sending an apropos at the fact that he murdered a whole troupe of actors just to be in the spotlight. “But I don't plan on picking up murder as a passtime activity, Jhin. Is that what you wanted?” you asked.

“No.” he replied. “What I want is for you to rest, I want you at your peak condition.” he kissed your hand, hiding his sour expression. “You are physically well, but your mind is still affected by my magic.” in truth, he itched to see what you would look like to be turned into one of his sculptures, he always does - it's one of his darkest thoughts and secrets that he keeps from you, the sheer will he musters whenever you smile at him to keep his killer instinct in check, to not destroy you; it is something he faces each time your eyes meet his. Despite all that, you yet live. He hates it, but his attachment to you is larger than the urge to taste your death.

You looked straight into Jhin’s gaze. “I’m not a child. I'll be fine.” you sighed. All you needed right now was a distraction from your own thoughts, the numbness of your mind begging to be shocked alive, awoken and buzzed back to reality. You felt lost, confused, and had no one to confide in but him. “Kiss me, Jhin.” your breathed out. “I’ll face myself later.”

Jhin smiled and shook his head in disapproval. “If it’s me you wish for, then so be it. You make it hard to resist." He picked you up in his arms and laid you next to him on your bed. "You did indulge me after all, it's only fair I return the favour."

You felt his teeth graze the skin of your mouth gently, his hand moved to your side, propping himself up on the elbow of his other arm; he then placed his palm on your neck, caressing it gently and squeezing his fingers around it before moving it to your shoulder, as he kept his lips on yours. Your own hands sought out the skin and mounds of muscle next to you, and pushed Jhin on his back. You cupped his face in your hands and kissed him again, lovingly, you felt his arms wrap around you lightly, as his hands danced around your body. “I’m so glad the way you touch me didn’t change.” you told him, relieved.

“And know that it never will.” Jhin told you as his tender kisses halted. “My dear, if you want me to go, say the word.” he told you in between breaths. “I’d hate to break you more than I already did.” he confessed.

“I don’t care.” you weakly spoke. You pulled him back on top of you and wrapped your legs around his hips as you pulled him closer and embraced him. You felt his hands intertwine with yours, moving them away from your body, lightly pinning them above your head. “Hey.” you called out to him. He stopped and looked at you.

“Yes?” he said.

“Are you sorry?” You heard him sigh before he answered your question.

“In a way, I am.” he looked at you with a serious gaze, his brows were slightly angled upwards and his eyes hid remorse behind them, his words attempting to mask his true feelings.

“Then show it to me.” you asked of him. You felt Jhin chuckle against your lips before he kissed you passionately as he wrapped his arms under you, his face smushed so closely into yours it caused your breath to become a burden, his hands dug into your shoulders, pressing his whole body closer to yours, making you fall backwards onto your elbows as his weight towered over you; your teeth knocked together a few times clumsily, as Jhin's tongue became more and more rough, hurried in its pursuit for yours, as if it was telling of unspeakable things, the whole action of it was intesely passionate, yet violent in its nature. You pulled him away from you and looked at him in the eye. “Tell me,” you said quietly, catching your breath. “How long have you felt like I do, after you first killed someone?” you asked.

“It has been so long the memory is all but lost to me.” Jhin answered. “I find it hard to care anymore.” he plainly told you as he brushed the very few rebel strands of hair from your face, and flared up a small smile at you. "You will learn to live with it. I know it." He got closer to your neck as he whispered, "Your turn, my dear. Tell me," He murmured, kissing your skin timidly. "Am I forgiven?" Jhin smirked.

"I'll think about it." You replied, undoing his tunic, revealing his torso with little effort, slithering your hand across his chest and caressing him with your fingers, focusing on the way his silky, soft skin felt on your palm, like velvet under your wanderlust touch. "You can keep working on it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in seeing Jhin's new clothes, here you go! I wanted to see if the outfit worked the way I imagined it cause i felt like i didnt describe it well enough, so I had to draw it. I added this at the end in case you made up an image of it in your head and have no interest in seeing this.
> 
> https://imgur.com/N3sMpv9
> 
> Also Jhin is totally an occasional smoker, fight me.


	2. Dance (smut)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fml, writing smut is SO hard for me (dialogue on the other hand is my favorite thing to write and it shows lol), I'm not 100% happy with the way it turned out but it's been a month fiddling with it so I want to move on to other ideas x) I hope you guys like it, though!

"Do you remember the first time we were here?" You asked Jhin innocently. You sat down by the still water, running your hand through the scarce grass and caressing the warm ground.

The sun reflected it's last moments of today within the gentle ripples of the lake, painting it in late sunset hues and colors as if it made the sky merge with its own puddle of tears that were left in the wake of a storm. A gentle wind blew across the swaying shrubbery around, rattling the leaves in an arrhythmic demeanor, the sound all too familiar to you, and critters all around sung timidly as the evening was yet young.

"Yes. What of it?" Jhin responded behind you, noting the way you fit in the whole ensemble of nature like a butterfly on a flower. The flower itself was magnificent, yet only the presence of the butterfly brought out its true beauty by contrasting it with its own. He squatted, kneeling next to you and gazing at you with the always present coldness in his eyes.

"Years have passed since then, but at the same time it feels like yesterday, doesn't it?" You smiled at him and swiftly placed your hand on the small of his back.

Jhin tensed at your touch, a shattering sensation ran through his body. His back straightened quickly and he felt you withdraw your hand at his response. He cleared his throat. "Well, yes. You're not wrong on that account. It has been quite some time." He noted, carefully sitting down next to you. He extended an arm to your cheek, caressing it with the back of his hand - it was a gesture that he did often, always admiring you with a heavy heart. He now remembers the words you playfully whispered to him, taunting, teasing, tempting him, " _For you, Jhin, I always hunger._ " His mind did wander frequently, hurling the remembrance of an invitation burned into itself. He sighed and rested his forehead on your shoulder; he whispered timidly, yet oh so brave. "Do you still feel it?" He inquired, moving his uncertain lips to your ear.

"Feel what?” you asked, tilting your head and exposing your neck to the flirtful kiss that made itself known on your skin. You felt his mouth and the way his own lips danced and suckled shyly before he breathed out.

"The hunger you spoke of." He said huskily and placed a hand on the middle of your chest. He felt your heavy, fast pulse hammering in his palm, mirroring the loud thump in his being. Jhin took his hand away and moved it to your chin, turning your head to face him; his other joined with it, and caught your face gently between them. "For me?" He looked in your eyes with a slip of uncertainty and lingered his gaze soon after on your lips - how lovely they looked yearning for his own, before planting a passionate peck on them.

"Of course." You smiled lazily and mirrored him, holding his jawline in your hands. "How can I not?" You kissed him, your lips swaying with his in a sensual yet casual way before parting.

Jhin sighed. "There are a plethora of reasons to 'not', but it means so much more when you simply do." He breathed out, beckoning you to sit on his lap with a gentle motion of his fingers. He took you with grace in his arms and admired your relaxed endeavor as he molded your form in his hands, resting his palms on your hips as he looked in your eyes. "Might I have this dance, my darling?" he asked sheepishly and nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck, “I do so miss the way you move for me.” he kissed your skin slightly, his breath was hot as he spoke against it.

“An interesting way of putting things.” you exhaled out a half-laugh before you gasped in retaliation to having your neck being kissed by him. You felt so much lust for him, and he seemed all too eager, reciprocating the feeling - your train of thought was cut off abruptly as he clawed you close to him, holding you by your shoulder blades as his kiss dug deeper in your skin, accompanied by the sound of his unsteady breath. You looked at him as he moved his lips to your cheek then your own mouth before resting his forehead on yours in a moment of repose; all you could hear and feel was his always subtle scent along with stabilizing breaths. “And how do you plan on making me move?” you smirked as you flirted with him. You saw Jhin lock his gaze in yours and for a moment, time stood still as he seemed to study your every corner and crease of your face, every angle and perfect imperfection - he looked so lost within his own desire and thoughts; it was a frightening yet arousing sight to behold. Alike a storm, his way of making love was at first naive and gentle, subtle, before engulfing you with a certainty of violent passion, washing over your whole being with his own. During his performance, it was as if the only refuge was within his arms - yet tonight you were planning on being the tempest.

“Some questions are better left unanswered.” he warned you as he looked at you. He tenderly took off your shirt and saw your nipples raise at the chill air around, wrapping your arms around yourself to trap some helpless heat which seemed to run away from you with ease. Jhin admired the way your skin looked together with his as he ran a palm over your shoulders in an assuring but strange way, lingering awkwardly from time to time as his fingers stopped along, restraining himself from simply taking you - no, he needed to pace himself in an agonizing rhythm, otherwise your moment would be over much too swiftly. He cupped your jawline in his hand and turned your head slightly, watching you close your eyes and accept his touch effortlessly; he lavished in the thought of you feeling safe in his arms despite all the reasons not to, and the power that gave him over you was something he enjoyed, yet he denied it its advantage. Angling your head just right, he ran a thumb across your lower lip; Jhin's heart briefly skipped a beat at the sight of you. The now clear and stellar-tainted night sky bathed you in dark hues, and the slightly reddish moon rose behind your head proudly and crowned you with celestial grace. "You look so beautiful, my love.” he spoke and caressed your cheek. “Breathe.” he told you calmly. He saw your lips part as you exhaled, relieved from the tension between you two; he watched your whole torso move with each breath, beneath his curious exploring touch.

You looked at Jhin and saw the light of fireflies floating around melancholically reflected in his own eyes. You felt his mouth trace a blazing path of sloppy soft kisses on your chest while taking in your scent; you began undoing his own items of clothing and discovering, for what felt the thousandth time, his perfect silky skin, forever inviting your touch. Your head rested on his shoulder as you felt his hands dance around your body, leaving in their wake a yearning sensation for his artistic touch; your own hands were exploring him, cupping the back of his head in one palm, caressing his locks with your thumb and holding his neck with the other as you pressed your hips into his. You heard him breathe out in a long, deep sigh when you placed your lips on his cheek, grinding slowly against him between your clothed lower bodies.

Jhin loved the way he could make you contort to his will, and he found pleasure in the way he himself could abandon any sense of the present and just set his desire aflame, deeply submerging himself in his own impulsive lustful greed, letting his mind wander to places it normally would dare not go. He placed his hands on your thighs and squeezed them slightly while he laid down on his back, feeling the grass beneath his weight and enjoying the view of you yearning for him on top.

You rested your palms on his bare chest and it arched beneath your touch, you caressed his neck lovingly and looked at the man beneath you. "You're so damn handsome." You told him, looking in his eyes. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

"We could." He chuckled slightly, blushing in the moonlit darkness. It was something he knew he wanted, but his own art and calling kept him from doing as he wished. "That doesn't mean we will." he sighed, whispering your name. “For now, take pleasure in having me.” he spoke quietly to you and took one of your hands in his, guiding it to his lips and planting a quick kiss on your knuckles. He hummed shortly while he pulled you close to him, feeling your body heat close to his.

Your free hand rested on his chest as you searched his skin in pursuit of nothing, resting your fingers on his nipple and toying with it gently, eliciting a few timid moans from Jhin as he raised his hips against yours. You began kissing his neck passionately, licking his smooth skin and marking it with your teeth, biting it hungrily while you felt his restless hands roam your back desperately, digging his fingers in your skin and scratching you violently as your kissing became more and more harsh. His mewls and moans beneath you were driving you wild; you moved your mouth from side to side on his neck and collarbones before you settled on his lips, briefly kissing him before you felt a pair of hands slither under your pants and go to your bottom, pulling you downwards with force and burying their fingers as deep as they could in your flesh, piercing you with pain. "Ah!" You cried out in surprise, straightened up, and pressed your hips against him hard, you looked at Jhin who flashed you a cold unsurprised look as he raised his eyebrows. "That hurt." You told him.

"I know." He responded nonchalantly and tugged at the hem of your pants, "I like it when you scream." he said as a matter of fact, proudly stating with a smirk on his face.

"Why do I always let you do this?" you chuckled.

He dragged your face close to his by your neck, his fingers gently caressing the back of your head. "Because you love me." He purred, his lips aching for yours.

"That, I do." You responded softly, kissing him; your lips swayed with his as he returned the gesture, you rested your elbow next to his shoulder and grasped his hair in your fist, your other hand holding his and tangling your fingers together, keeping it between your bodies. You pulled his head aside and drew a trail of kisses from his mouth to his jaw, then over to his ear. "Jhin," you spoke his name as a beg - in a hush - tone laced with lovely desperation, and heard him sigh deeply in response to the way you spoke his name, letting his hand free itself before you felt his arms wrap around you. "I want you." You whispered in his ear.

"Then take me." He responded immediately in a low tone. "In this moment I am yours, fully." He added, his tone reassuring and melodic.

You swiftly placed a peck on his lips before you made your way down his torso, peppering kisses all over his body and enjoying the slight twists in his movements until you met his hips. You placed your hands on his pants and took them off, along with his gear and boots, and got yourself up to do the same to yourself. You looked at him briefly as he waited, he held his hands on his chest and kept his legs bent, one over another. You smiled at him and placed your clothes nearby.

Coming back to Jhin, you sat once more on top of him, feeling the eager presence between your legs twitch in anticipation, he bucked hungrily into you. You teased him by grinding your hips in a sluggish rhythm as you felt his hands grasp your breasts and heard him groan in response to your actions. You bent on top of him, you started biting his neck while caressing and kneading his body, delighting in the screamed moans that escaped his throat. "Your voice is perfect, Jhin." You praised him. "Let's see how loud you can get." You whispered to him while you kept teasing him.

Jhin chuckled between gasps, smirking at your words. "Quite loud." He replied confidently.

You caressed his cheek and grinned briefly, raising your eyebrows and looked at him flirtatiously before you raised your hips above his member and reached for it with your hand, positioning it at your entrance. Achingly slow, you descended your hips and took all of him in, appreciating the way he felt inside, slight pain tearing at you blissfully. You heard Jhin sigh beautifully once you covered him in yourself, his back raising along with his hips towards you in a graceful manner, molding his chest into your touch. You began gently raising and lowering yourself, bending yourself over him to bite his ear with little force as you kept the pace. You felt his hands roam from your neck, to your breasts and down on your hips, frantically holding onto each place they met, skin meeting skin.

Jhin took your hands away from his shoulders and tangled his fingers with yours, raising his forearms with your hands in his and feeling your weight pin him down as he kept thrusting his hips in search for pleasure. His mouth was open, gasping and moaning with each move, lips as dry as his throat from the desperate need to breathe.

You heard a muffled guttural moan escape him as you crashed your lips into his, french kissing him passionately after sinking your teeth in his lower lip, all while tightening your grasp of his hands and switching your angle slightly to deepen your sensations. After a few thrusts, you rose your hips to the point where only his head was slightly touching you, and placed your teeth at his throat, ready to sink them in his skin as you would crash your lower region on his. The few seconds before doing so, you heard Jhin's breath hitch and stop in anticipation, and took in the blissful moment of feeling him unravel beneath you, impatient. As soon as you followed through with your actions, however, you felt Jhin's hands dig in the muscles of your back with force, clutching you tightly and loudly moan in delight, melodic tones filling your ears as his voice went higher and higher with each movement of your hips; you heard him gasp, as if out of breath. You straightened up and rested your hands on his abdomen, tilting your head backward in ecstasy as the new angle pierced you with a maddening accuracy every time you rolled your hips - which brought you to the edge of release, alongside with your own sighs and whimpers of lust that accompanied Jhin's. You felt his hand around your mouth play with your lips; instinctually, your tongue sought out his fingers, he toyed with you as you rode him, his arm trembling slightly as he bit his lip; Jhin was also close to his climax judging by the uncontrolled demeanor of his breathing and acting. Once he came, you collapsed on top of him and relaxed, resting on your elbows and your forehead on his. A brief moment of silence was shared between you two before you started catching your breath, reclaiming a sense of stability.

Jhin helped you up as he propped himself on his hand, holding you still on top of him by your back with his other arm. He rested his face in the crook of your neck and exhaled deeply, hugging you close. He let out another sigh and shortly after he rested his chin on your shoulder, caressing the red stripes on your skins - his own doing. "Amazing as always, my dear." He kissed your proud smile as he saw you get up and pick the clothes from the ground. "Can you bring mine as well?" He gestured at the thrown pile of clothes on the ground. "Thank you." He spoke as he picked the clothes from your hand.

"You know you don't even need to ask." You bent down to him and gently placed your palm on his cheek. "Anything for you."

He scoffed and smiled, getting dressed. "Anything? That's a dangerous word, darling." He said with a cheery tone, lazily pulling the tunic on himself, leaving most of his torso unhidden. "Shall we head back home, then?" He asked sitting up, looking disheveled and rugged.

You got close to him and straightened his ruffled strands of hair in place, "You're not done getting dressed. You wanna walk in the forest with your chest exposed like that?" You asked curiously.

"It's not far. Besides, our little dance isn't over." He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled your hips closer to his. "I do intend to choreograph our next moves in a more comfortable setting."

"Ah, and here I was hoping to finally be the lead all night." You spoke, taking his hand in yours as you walked back to your bungalow.

"You can be, if you so wish." Jhin said with a gentle smile on his face.

"Really?" You shot back excited in disbelief.

"I do feel… malleable tonight, and I did say I am yours. Am I not a man of my word?" He replied smugly. "Besides, it does feel nice to unwind and take in a view such as you looking at me the way you do when we make love in the moonlight; ah, so romantic. Wouldn't you agree?" He daringly flirted with a coy smirk on his face, delighting at the look in your eyes when you heard his words.

"Yeah… Well, you are, um, nice to look at, too." You chuckled as a knot got caught in your throat. "Now you made me all bothered." You scolded playfully.

"Just how I want you, then." He said in a seductive tone, stopping you in your tracks and kissing your lips briefly.

You sighed in frustration, although your face betrayed you, exposing a cheerfulness. "Keep that up and you won't be walking straight." You laughed, threatening him in a light-hearted manner.

Jhin simply smiled, placing his hand on the small of your back as you both got closer to your return home. 


	3. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jhin does get jealous sometimes.  
> TW: brief domestic abuse. It's not quite as violent as other fics I've read, but better safe than sorry :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my long absence <3 I'm still quite busy irl, but I was just itching to write so I have other WIPs coming along.

You picked up the weekly package of medical supplies from your contact. He was a burly man, quite handsome - a rough around the edges man, reserved and well-spoken. You’ve known him since he helped you establish your medical cabinet, he always provided you with the herbs necessary for your patients. Your apothecary friend was willing to lend you a hand at all times, jumping to lift things and do errands for you during your busy days. You became quick friends due to the nature of the field and the fact that you spent a lot of time together. His flirty second nature sent compliments your way quite often, and his comments were innocent enough to brush them off. They were either playful teases at most and an invitation to dinner at worst. Despite numerous rejections, he was yet to falter in his tries due to the fact that, to the outside world, you appear as a lonely woman living in deep woods with no man of your own. 

Had Jhin not been your lover all this time, you might have taken into consideration your friends’ romantic invitations. You were faithful to the Golden Demon, but none knew such an atrocious affair was going on right under everyone’s noses.

Quickly rummaging through the package to check if everything was in order, you spoke towards the apothecary. “You got that special thing I asked you about, too?’ you asked.

“Sure did! It was quite hard to get, but what use would you have of me if I couldn’t get a small thing like this, huh?” he chuckled. “What’re you using it for anyway?” he shrugged.

“Love potions, you know. The usual!” you smirked and closed the package. “Here’s what I owe you, plus a little bit extra for your trouble.” and with a quick jab at your pocket, you lent him your debt. You heard him laugh at your joke as he picked it up.

“Pleasure doing business with you. I’m late so I have to be on my way, I’m sure my own clients are waiting for me with pitchforks.” and with a bow, he took your hand and kissed it.

You quickly retreated back to your cabinet to begin unpacking the herbs and sorting them. This-goes-to-that, that-goes-there, all-that-goes-here. You picked up the special herb and put it in your satchel carefully. You looked through your appointments and noticed that there was one patient left, Jhin. He sometimes visits you under the guise of different names each time, but he makes sure to book an appointment at 4 pm on the 4th of the month he has time to see you when he does not directly come to your house. You noticed that it was about time he should be here, but there was no sign of him anywhere - therefore, you waited and waited for about an hour. He was always meticulously punctual and it seemed curious and odd that he did not arrive on time. Slightly worried, you decided to close up shop and walked back home, thinking of his whereabouts.

The knot in your stomach dictated an anxiety brewing within your being, the eerie feeling of walking home and the heaviness in your heart drive your legs in an uncertain, shaky pace. You stood before the door, noticing it was slightly open. Pushing it, you stepped inside at a cautious pace. 

Seeing you, Jhin rushed towards you and grabbed you by your neck. 

“What the -” you felt your body slam towards the door, closing under your weight. You clawed at Jhin’s arms which held you tightly in place and noticed his other hand was clenched in a fist. You flailed your legs around, trying to kick him off of you; despite that, he did not budge. “Let. Go!” you yelped through his chokehold. You felt him clench his fingers harder around your throat, and shortly after your vision became blurrier, darkening quickly.

“Oh, my little secret,” he spoke slowly through clenched teeth, beneath his mask. “So innocent and so oblivious.” he loosened his grip on you, his eyes meeting yours briefly as he was looking at your flush face, feeling your pulse beneath his palm. He felt his body slowly fill with rage at the sight of you, “I thought you were beneath such acts. Yet here we are.” Jhin spat with a seething hatred in his tone.

You slapped his hand away, breaking free and taking a few steps distance of him. “What are you talking about?!” you panicked, looking at his masked face. You kept walking backward as he took menacing steps toward you. “Jhin?” you placed a hand on your knife. “Stop.”

He chuckled, “I think not.” and with a quick step towards you, he caught your wrist and held it. “How… stupid of you to even think of doing this.” he yanked your arm forward and took the knife from you, taking it away. “Now, I won’t ask twice, so listen closely,” Jhin spoke. “How long have you been seeing that man?” he came closer to you.

Your eyes were open wide at his words, but no sound came out of your mouth.

“Answer me!” Jhin demanded. 

Your breath was fast and you bent slightly downwards, knees weak. “I-what? My apothecary? Jhin, are you out of your mind? How can you-” your voice was interrupted as Jhin pushed you once more towards the wall, cupping your cheeks in his hand. “I have no interest in him,” you spoke between pursed lips. You tear up at the sight of his eyes emanating pure sadness and anger.

“You must take me for a fool. How can you expect me to believe such lies after what I’ve seen today?” Jhin accused, “He kissed your hand, gave you a gift.” his heart beat faster and faster as he recollected his memory, recalling the way that man looked at you as you interacted made his stomach turn and he felt as the only normal thing in his life got turned upside down. He saw you smile at him, and the way you interacted awoke a jealousy he did not believe he was capable of. He wanted to destroy the man who was with you, and then destroy everything and everyone else in his way, ravaging the whole world at your betrayal. Then, he would make you watch as he took everything you love away before finally ending your own life in a miserable, slow, but beautiful way. “How dare you do this to me?!” he raised his voice at you, questioning the loyalty you swore to him. “I...” he breathed out.

You felt Jhin let go of you and walk away, you took a step towards him. “I swear it’s not what you think it is.” you stood in front of Jhin. “Can I at least explain?” you asked. “Jhin?”

Jhin was turned away from you. “I do not wish to hear any weak apologies.” he thought to himself as he stopped, thinking your life would be on the line based on the next words spoken. He gestured you to continue.

“He’s my apothecary. He does have feelings for me, but I have no interest in him. I have to play nice, because that way he keeps the price low, and I need his help when I get overrun by work.” you walked towards Jhin and touched his shoulder. “It’s really just business.”

“And the gift?” Jhin replied, back still turned to you. “What was it?”

You pulled your satchel in front of you and picked up a little bit of the spiced herb, and walked in front of Jhin, holding your palm open towards his face with the ingredient in it. “Healing herbs… and this.” you put it back in the bag. “It’s what I use to spice your tea.” you disappointedly told him, feeling betrayed due to the fact that Jhin would even think you’d cheat on him. “I hope that clears it up,” you whispered and walked away from Jhin. “I need to go.” you took off your satchel as you walked to the doorway. “And don’t ever hit me again.” you closed the door and stepped outside, setting a mental destination to the nearby lake. 

The evening was a quiet one, and the forest seemed even more silent. A distant lightning graced the horizon as the muffled thunder accompanied it shortly after. You sat down next to a nearby tree and placed your face in your hands, and began weeping at what just transpired. You were sure you just avoided certain death and were anxious, afraid to see Jhin again.

Back at your house, Jhin felt empty. He sat on a chair, mask off, staring into nothingness. His thoughts flowed like a waterfall, loud and intrusive - he was certain, so certain, you were betraying his trust. He placed a palm on his forehead, his stare was now targeting the ground. He clenched his tunic and felt his heart beating heavily. Why should he even care if you had another? You deserve an ordinary life with a normal man, he couldn’t deny you that. Yet, his selfishness and greed took the better of him every time he thought of you, and he wanted to hold you close, caged in his arms so no one else can have you. He wanted your endless affection and love showering him, and only him. Every time he gets what he wants, Jhin reaches for more. There was never enough you, and seeing you with other men twisted his heart into a piece of shattered glass - sharp, wounding everything in its’ way with jealousy and impulsiveness. He got up and paced around the house, tearing at his arms with his nails. His lip trembled as his grimace faltered slightly, he saw your satchel. He opened it and saw his old note, the one which reads _“I’m home.”_ all weathered and worn, a sign you kept it with you at all times.

He took it in his hand and it was as if a collective flash of memories of your time spent together hit him with a force he had never felt before. He sat on the bed and placed the note on the table, along with his mask. Jhin recalled all the intimate moments you offered him, laced with affection, and never once did you expect anything in return from him. He remembered the first night you shared together, and the uncertainty that dictated the very first touch between you, his leap into the unknown. His mind was a mausoleum of moments past, moments he longs to repeat in a loop for an eternity. With… just…you.

The knot in his throat caused by the thought of you was enough to hold his pulse still for a second, and it was at that moment he could no longer deny his true feelings for you, despite them being there from the very beginning. Frightful and timid, he mapped out a failure of an apology in his mind, and he was filled with a determination to recapture your soul, your heart for himself. Whether or not willing, you will listen to him. You love him, right? He laid down on his back, pondering the right approach to achieve your forgiveness.

Softly weeping, knees bent with a forehead resting on them, you were thinking about your actions depending on Jhin’s own movements. The tiny rain droplets gently slapped your cheeks as you raised your head towards the darkened horizon. You grabbed a rock in your fist, got up on your feet, and threw it with no sense of aim, yelling out your snowballed frustrations and caged desperation regarding your life. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!” you cried out, “I try to be at my best for him and he repays me by almost killing me.” you thought as you grabbed another rock. As you were about to throw it, Jhin’s hand caught your wrist and gently took the object from your hand. You jerked your wrist out of his grasp and stomped away, turning towards him. “Now is not the time, Jhin.” you spoke between dried tears, your throat became raspy due to yelling, as did your voice, cracking slightly every other syllable. You took a defensive stance against him, preparing to flee just in case. But to your surprise, Jhin silently stood and watched you, unmasked; he threw the rock away over his shoulder. You studied him as he seemed to fiddle in his steps, he walked towards the tree you were just resting next to. “What? You just come here to accuse me some more?” you paced towards him, “Hm?” you stopped right in front of him. “If you’re gonna kill me, at least find a better reason than jealousy. ‘ _Darling, that’s beneath you_.’” you reminded him of his own words. You looked at him, and he avoided your gaze. “WELL?” you asked.

Jhin forgot about his thought-out verbose apology, as never did he think he’d be afraid of speaking to you, and never did he anticipate you’d fire up so much at the sight of him. The knot in his stomach grew heavier with each sentence spoken by you, along with a burning anger he conceals oh so well at your choice of words. He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” he weakly whispered, looking at you. His piercing gaze managed to somehow mellow yours.

You were left heartbroken at the sight of him, uncertain of what to do. “Are you?” you asked him. 

He took a step forward, coming closer to you; he noticed you tried to fall back. He stopped, and so ended a distanced tango between you and him, where he tries to regain your trust, your affection, your love with each step forward and backward. “I am.” 

You sighed, thinking about his actions and words, the acts he sometimes puts up as to win you over. “How do I know you’re not lying?” you told him, shooting him an uncertain look. 

Jhin’s heart was beating hard. He mustered the entirety of his courage to open his mouth, but only a couple of unintelligible sounds came out. He sighed in frustration and grabbed your hand in his gently. 

You gazed at him and it took your whole strength not to run away. Your eyes locked with Jhin’s, and it felt as time stopped as you looked at each other, and the tension that arose between you was so thick it could be cut with a knife, anticipation leading to anxiety, leading to fear. “Jhin?” you called out, he seemed frozen in place.

There was a maddening silence that seemed to span for an eternity, a silence so loud it just pressed onto both of your feelings harder, pressuring the moment into a corner.

  
  


_“I love you.”_

  
  


Your whole body felt as if it was sinking, and your heart was a tangled mess of emotions as you heard him string the words together. You looked away, processing your thoughts, and felt Jhin’s hand pull you closer. You saw Jhin’s other hand approach your face as he cupped your cheek in it, turning your face to him. You raised your eyes and saw his face riddled with an indescribable emotion. You did not fight back as you felt him come next to you, closer, and closed your eyes when he went in for a simple innocent kiss. 

His hands grabbed the sides of your face and he kept his lips on yours with fearful moves, but his doubts were washed away once he felt your hands on his hips, pulling him closer with a feather-like touch. He pulled away from your mouth, leaving behind his slightly tobacco scented breath as he whispered, “Is that proof enough?” he asked, looking at you closely with half-closed eyes. He moved his arms around you, never moving too far away from you.

“It is.” you smiled slightly, “And you know I do love you, too.” and with those words, you went in for another kiss, pressing Jhin slightly against the tree behind him, stumbling between your steps while he walked backward. You placed your hand on his chest and an arm around his shoulder as you kept his lips on his. “Always have.” you told him between kisses.

The liberating feeling of a confession such as it left Jhin floating, unsure his reality was actually happening. He let himself be molded into your movements, flowing like water around you and forgetting all about fear. Jhin dragged you down with him at the base of the tree, not caring about dirtying either of your clothes as the rain gently fell on top of your bodies. He was living in the moment, enjoying the unfiltered affection he was willing to show. He lied on top of you as he held you with his arms under your torso. He passionately and slowly french kissed you, desperate for a closeness he can never get enough of. He broke your third kiss and rested his forehead on yours, moving his hand to your cheek and feeling your own hand join with his in a tender gesture. “You have no idea how long I’ve been aching to tell you how much I love you.” he whispered before he planted his lips on yours a fourth time. He breathed out a short laugh after he broke the kiss, smiling as he looked at you, lovestruck.

“I’m just happy to see you like this.” you told Jhin as you caressed his cheek. You saw him grab your hand and placed a peck on it. 

“Please, my darling. Be mine forever. I don’t want to lose you.” he whispered as he looked into your eyes, holding you close to him in a tight embrace.

“I promise,” you answered, kissing his cheek. “Let’s go home.”

Jhin snapped awake and realized he must’ve dozed off thinking about you, and he died inside just a little bit, realizing his dream was just an insufferable tease which left him disappointed, with a bitter taste. He sighed deeply after he got up, and rested his face in his palms. He began wondering whether or not to follow his dream and was so engulfed into his own mind, replaying the moment over and over, imagining how sweet and romantic it would’ve been had it been real. 

“You’re awake.” you plainly told him, having returned from your emotional break. You spent a little bit of time by yourself but the rain brought you back home quite quickly, much to your dismay, and have been observing Jhin sleep ever since. You placed a cup of cold tea in front of him on the end table and walked away, closing the door. You sighed and made a beeline towards the couch, where you lounged in silence, watching the rain pour outside. A tear escaped you, you had expected him to maybe say something, anything, at the sight of you.

He took a look at the cup of tea. The smell was tickling his senses and the inviting color of it drew his hand closer to it, yet he did not feel like drinking it at all. He felt confused, dazed, and frankly a little bit heartbroken. Jhin placed a hand on the door and opened it, seeing you across the room lying on the couch. He took shy steps towards it and stood at the other end of you. “May I?” he gestured towards sitting at your feet, and did so as soon as he saw your small hand wave an invitation. He placed a hand on your calf and rested your legs on his lap, quickly retracting his arms away after, stretching one on the headrest. 

You sat in silence as neither of you spoke, but the air around felt more awkward than intimidating, soft sighs and the creak of the couch as you adjusted your pose from time to time were the only sounds in the room for a good chunk of time. You looked at Jhin, who seemed to notice you were doing that and turned his head towards yours. “You seem deep in thought.” your voice broke the emptiness of the room.

“I suppose so.” Jhin replied, “I wanted to apologize for-” he paused, avoiding your gaze. “I just - just don’t know how.” he breathed out.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” you told him, slightly smiling as he chuckled nervously at your words. “Sleep well?” you changed the subject.

He clicked his tongue. “I don’t know.”

“You… don’t know?” you questioned slowly, “You’re being more cryptic than usual.”

“The dream I had left me hanging, you could say.” he looked at you with a mellow gaze. “It just felt more real, more vivid, than any dream I’ve had.” he moved his look towards the wall.

“Well, was it good?”

He smiled. “Very.”

“You usually have quite tumultuous dreams, this time you didn’t toss and turn at all, as you do when you sleep.” you noted. “Feel like sharing?”

Jhin smiled and looked at you again, “Only if I can slither next to you.”

“Hmm,” you smirked. “Deal!” you spoke as you scooted away, making room for him. You felt him lie down next to you, and you placed an arm around him. Jhin rested his head on your chest and snaked an arm around your waist. “So, your dream?” you spoke.

“Well, my dear, I did dream of you.” he caressed you with a thumb, before getting up and resting himself on his elbow, slightly above you. He kept his arm around you lightly. “I was actually apologizing to you, but as you can notice, I’m rather lacking in that aspect.” Jhin told you.

“That, I can’t deny.” you teased him. “So what did I do?”

He laughed slightly, “You seemed ready to punch me. You did not believe me.” Jhin continued, noticing you were listening attentively. “So, I had to prove to you that my apology was genuine…” he trailed off, thinking about his favorite moment of the dream. 

“And what did you say?” you asked.

Jhin pondered briefly, but couldn’t come up with a lie in time to make it believable.“I confessed my undying love to you and then we kissed passionately.” he spoke quickly.

You chuckled. “Hah! You’re so sweet, but really, what happened?” you kept giggling at him and his slightly flustered-looking face. You saw Jhin raise his eyebrows and the lack of answer accompanied by a childish shrug gave you an idea he was not lying. You jumped out of the couch dramatically, grinning, “NO!” you spoke out loud, “What took you so long?” you teased. “And why don’t I have the privilege of actually hearing it?” you excitedly placed your hands on his shoulders. 

Jhin sheepishly smiled and averted his nervous gaze from under yours, and his smile faded away as quickly as it came. “I suppose this question doesn’t count as an answer, but are you content?” he darted his eyes back to you, “Happy, I mean.” he rectified. “With me.”

“Yes.” you answered. “Why does that matter now?”

“I haven’t been honest about my feelings because I’m afraid I don’t deserve to share such happiness, and I --- I don’t want it to ever compete with my passion.” he confessed.

“Me and it. They’re two separate things, are they not?” you asked, sitting next to him.

“What if I would ever have to choose one over the other?” he whispered. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

You smiled sadly, “I see.” you said.

“I’m sorry,” he replied. “It must be hard for you.” Jhin spoke in a hush.

“I do miss you a lot, but I got used to it. I think it makes the moments we share more intense and remarkable.” you assured him. “Which is why I’ll always wait for you.” 

“I’ll forever be grateful for that,” he whispered your name, looking at you intensely. “And you’ll always be on my mind.” Jhin softly spoke as he caught your hand in his, squeezing it slightly, his heart beating hard once more.

You took his actions as an invitation for a kiss, and you leaned in closely with half-closed eyes, looking back at him. You fully shut them once you connected your lips together, and the kiss felt so perfect and well-timed it made everything around you standstill. You started moving your mouth slightly around his and you placed a hand on his thigh, noticing his stiff demeanor. You broke the kiss and whispered, “I’m weak. I can’t stay mad at you. Not when you look at me with those eyes of yours.” you placed a hand on his cheek and rested your others’ fingers on his chin, brushing his lips slightly. “I love you.” you whispered, and noticed he opened his mouth as to speak. You quickly placed your mouth on his to shut him up, “You don’t have to say anything.” you hushed, then returned to kiss him feverishly, slowly, passionately.

Jhin was taken aback by your words and followed your advice. His hand ran towards your back and he felt you hop in his lap gently as you rested your hands on his neck, caressing him lightly. He groaned softly as he pulled you closer into him, keeping his lips connected on yours when he pulled both of you to lie on your sides on the couch. He placed a hand on your thigh when you raised it over him, never breaking the kiss. He snuck his free arm around your shoulder and kept you tightly close; Jhin slipped his tongue around your lips and quickly danced with yours at a slow pace, you spent a few minutes in a kiss which seemed eternal.

Your lips became a bit sore at the constant contact and you slowly pulled away from Jhin, looking at him briefly before going back in for a quick kiss. “Did you dream of more than just a kiss?” you slyly asked.

“Darling, I don’t need to dream of that when the real thing is better than my imagination.” he spoke, “But right now I just want to enjoy this moment with no distractions.” he smiled at you, placing a hand on your hair and caressing it, putting it in place.

You chuckled, “Sounds fine by me.” you placed a peck on his cheek. “Let’s hope this dream doesn’t end as quickly as the other one, then.” you jokingly said.

“Tsk, tsk. How cruel of you.” Jhin replied sarcastically, “I’m certain this is real. You have better lines in my dreams.” he replied, teasing you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, sorry for any grammar errors or anything like that, it's hard to proofread my own fics especially when English isn't my first language. Read my other works again and I noticed so many mistakes in them!!! Like...holy fuck, lol. I will go back and fix them when I can, but I hope my mistakes are forgivable :(


	4. Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Jhin's thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do something special for the fourth one, so this chapter is a challenge to myself to try and better understand the inner struggles of Jhin in regards to the reader. I hope you enjoy it!

_"You just made love to her. Again."_

A reprimand that graced your mind once more, as it always does. It is hard to resist, lying naked next to her own bare form.

_"When will you stop?"_

Such was one of the many questions that lacked an answer. You looked at her and a rush of blood ran through your veins while a knot in your throat threatened your hitched breath.

She simply is. Your little secret, an untainted angel: her simplicity captures you, and she leaves you feeling so, so guilty when you simply glance at her gaze, which always lights up at the sight of yours - similar to a child’s own eyes experiencing their first snow, time and time again. The spurs of shame clung on the strings of your heart, tearing new rips in it every time you succumbed to her affection, the innocence you could only feel through her.

_"She needs to be your perfect artwork... Your masterpiece."_

Your thought trickled in, intrusive, as you observed her breath, rising and falling in her sheepish slumber. She is asleep, helpless, and vulnerable, so you ran a palm on her collarbone as you admired her blissful absence. Fingers found themselves around her jaw, tracing it lovingly, her tempting skin yearning to be enchanted by your talent. Her slight movement at your touch is so wonderful, you can only imagine how she would contort beneath it when she would become the vessel of your imagination, the sculpture of your love, and the embodiment of perfection.

_”It would be so easy, wouldn't it?"_

Yes, she’d look so captivating, clinging to you as she would give you her final breath, held within your arms, the final exhale of life slipping through her petal-like lips - the same ones you can never taste enough of. Akin to a puppet, her body would make the most superb shapes, with twisted inhumane forms and fractured bones. Beautiful. Sublime. She would finally reach the godhood you see within her. Your love would be a martyr of art, but its death would linger on your taste; the defiling act would be slow, painful, deliciously savage and cruel - a bittersweet final embrace. What would you even tell her in those final precious moments? Killing her is the goodbye letter for feelings unspoken.

Her misplaced trust is a ticking bomb, and she can only tempt her fate quicker each time she embraces you with her ever-caring nature. You felt her arm sneak around you in the midnight and her breath tickled your neck, pulling a smile out of you.

_"Shattering something you hold so dear is almost poetic."_

Killing her would take her away from you, yes, yet it would mean you would break free of the shackles of your so-called love, a love that runs red, oh so red, in your veins, filling you with a helpless compulsion for more. Red... Such a nice color, is it not? Like the blood that would run down her throat as the knife would slit her skin, dripping shyly at first, coating your fingers in crimson and painting her own flesh along with yours. The repulsive smell of iron, the slick, sloppy liquid conquering the creases of her. A contrast such as it would be so exquisite, it would look like borders on a map - filthy and yet oh so pretty. And oh, how a knife would fit perfectly in the middle of her chest, impaling her naive heart, how wonderful her crimson flowing blood would shine on, as each droplet falls to the ground, blessing the soil with the taste of tragedy. Knife - not gun. Personal - not impersonal. Close.

Red has to be her power color.

It makes you wonder; would she plead for her life, or would she submit to you? She's an art lover, yet she failed to see your works as such, despite your best efforts to prove your talent to her. How would she react to your atrocious proposal? Would she agree to become your masterpiece, or would she deny your talent? Nevertheless, nothing as beautiful as she has the right to live as long as her age, to impose such rivalry on your own best works, to simply squash your desire with but a word. The seed of your hesitation was planted long ago by her charm - a maddening temptation of her death burnt away by her own touch... and she has no grasp of it. No knowledge of the fact that she was her own perpetual savior. You felt her shimmy closer to you in her sleep, lingering a limp leg over your own aching body.

Gods, her touch. How does she know to find the way you long to be embraced? To engulf you in a desire you hated so much, to feel so weak and beg before another?

_"You're selfish."_

You really are. Nothing you could do to her would compare to what she does to you - the only thing you have to offer her is death itself, a dazzling finale, turn her into a creature of limitless, dark perfection. She, however, feels to you like light incarnate, so bright it hurts; knowing only compassion and love. A mellow, naive heart yearning for the emptiness of your own, for it knows not of what could taint it, but someday will. Her own actions are only purifying touches of bold affection, cleansing away the destruction, the sin, that is your calling. Your push towards death and her pull of life, the yin and yang of an endless unspoken struggle. Night times such as these bring forth the need to simply put an end to it all, and burn the bridge of your own humanity. One small slip away from complete unraveled freedom.

You are a fool. Such an absolute fool. How can you think to end her life when she only wants to make your own better? 

_"I love you, Jhin."_

She often whispers such cursed words, and you could never repeat them back because you tell yourself you don't love her, despite evidence to the contrary. You knew she knew, and you only wanted her mind to reach out into yours and hear it for herself, but all you ever do is walk away, and keep your lips sealed behind your mask. You love her but you cannot afford to, borrowing time with a slap on the wrist each time your urge to harm her surfaces - the subterfuge whispers in the back of your mind.

And she waits for you, every single time. And you promise her you will come back each time, but a part of you wants to keep running away, to immerse yourself in your art, to know a life of solitude, never worrying about the needs of anyone but yourself. And yet you always come back for the same reasons, to enjoy her - in life, or in death. Such a coinflip in your heart that somehow always ends up in her favor, brewing a frustration deep within with each inevitable win for love, lust, and everything in between. And you know the other side of the coin would bring perfection to life, yet somehow that pales in comparison to the would-be moments. Tell a lie! A fateful coin such as that does not exist, for it is merely a choice you make each time you see her: a much too easy, and much too wrong choice; it can only end in tragedy - for her, and now for you, too.

_"Will you ever tell her?"_

Yes. No. Maybe. Eventually. Yes. She always listens, she has to, she loves you, does she not? You'll tell her immediately. Wake her up. Count.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

**~~Fou~~ -** you can't. Let her sleep.

For now. _It hurts_. **It's absence**. Your urge.

Why don't you sleep as well? Embrace her, as you need to, as you long to. Know the closeness you desire, surrender yourself to her, to a deeper connection you fail to admit, but know of. 

She is the eye of the storm, an oasis of your chaos, the silence of dawn, and the serenity of dusk, the calm sky after a violent storm. She is your would-be masterpiece, the most valued canvas you're too timid to curse, fearful you would ruin her imperfection through perfection.

You lie still next to her, admiring the comfort of her slumber. The way her hair rests around her head reminds you of graceful ribbons, her eyelashes were stitched together as her eye twitched below her veiny, tired eyelids; her lips, slightly parted around her breath, forever inviting to be taken - you got closer and placed a butterfly kiss on them. 

Mouthing unspeakable words in her ear, you felt her shift slightly towards you, and you pulled her closer, whispering with a lacking breath, caressing her cheek. 

_"She would not die. Not now, but perhaps one day..."_

-

  
  


You heard Jhin murmur next to you and half-asleep you replied, “Mm?”, but there was no answer. You felt his chest rise and fall deeply in a sigh, and his hand brushed against yours briefly as he paid you no mind. You cupped his neck in your hand and kissed it easily, “Go to sleep.” you whispered as you made yourself more comfortable in bed. “Art can wait.”

-

_"...as you struggle in your endless loop, looking to make it endless no more."_


	5. Life and Death - Finale in two (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No good deed goes unpunished.

**I**

Jhin walked away from you and stood in the doorway, he was about to leave when he heard you mention a frequent patient of yours; he knew he had to warn you. He then took his mask and equipment, readying himself for the road. “I have told you countless times that he is dangerous. Keep your wits about you.” Jhin insisted.

“Are you not also dangerous?" you rolled your eyes. "Look. He may be, but he pays just like the rest of them,” you responded, gesturing towards nothing, “And I really need the money.” you admitted defeatedly. "Besides! I know him. We speak all the time, he seems like a nice man."

He sighed, “You cannot possibly expect me to protect you.”

You furrowed your brows and looked at him “I don’t. I can handle myself just fine.” you shot back, smiling slightly at him in defiance, “I learned from the best. I’m good.” you placed your hands on your hips.

“You’re foolish, is what you are.” he scolded you for not heeding his words, pointing at you with the mask in his hand while he looked at you. He knew that the dangerous man was a vigilante, quick to anger. “If he ever threatens you, then-” he stopped.

“Then what?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Then I can’t help you.” he plainly spoke. “You’re on your own, my dear. Until we meet again.” Jhin bowed and turned around, walking away as he waved you lazily goodbye, back turned to you. 

You sighed as you watched him, leaning on the wall. It was also time for you to leave, as your week had just begun. “What can that guy even do to me?” you thought to yourself as you began walking towards your clinic after completely losing sight of Jhin.

Jhin’s paranoia had saved him countless times, as he told you. For him, it was justified. But for you? Why be paranoid about your job? You were in the middle of a village, surrounded by people who needed you; they couldn’t even speak most of the time, due to the pain they were in. The money you made and the gratitude they offered all the time was as far as you could get from being in danger. The man Jhin spoke of was someone who comes to you every now and then, with near-lethal wounds patched up by himself clumsily, that you have to correct and tend to. He pays you good money to keep silent and not ask questions - not that you would care too much about his adventures, but nevertheless, he does it anyway. He always seemed so proud of his scars, and he's always eager to learn his new wound will leave one more; besides, he seemed all too happy to help you, lingering around to keep you company with a friendly chat afterwards. You kept thinking about him as you walked, and you had now reached the streets near the clinic. You saw Jhin, unmasked, wandering around, buying his own supplies for the road, and you ignored each other after locking eyes for a split second. You entered your small building and found the expected patient already waiting for you, hunched and looking down. 

“Finally. Took you long enough.” he hissed in a hurried tone. “I don’t like waiting.”

“I’m sorry.” you responded, walking towards the locker where you kept your tools and began grabbing them one by one.

“Those won’t be necessary this time.” your patient spoke, looking at you.

“Then what seems to bother you?” you replied with uncertainty, turning around.

“A lonely heart.” the nameless vigilante truthfully answered you.

You chuckled, “Might you know the cause of it, then?”

“You.” he said.

Your smile quickly faded, and you looked at him with a slight confusion on your face, “I’m flattered, thank you.”

“Flattered is not enough.” he boldly stated. “Interested is the answer I was looking for.” 

Avoiding eye contact with him, you remembered all the times he proudly showed off to you in vague attempts to woo you. “I don’t think you ever mentioned you wanted me for things that are not... medical?” you told him, palms sweaty.

“And I don’t need to.” he replied.

“Whatever that means, sorry, but I’m not interested.” you sighed, taking a step backward when you saw him stand. “Now, if there’s anything else I can help you with-”

He interrupted, coming closer, “Fuck you.” 

“I guess not, then,” you replied, slightly scared. “So I will kindly ask you to leave.” you gestured vaguely towards the door.

“And fuck that.” the man hissed, walking slowly towards you. He stepped in front of you and sneered, noticing the dagger on your lower back, sheathed in plain sight. "Why do you think I always come to see you and not some other nagging healer? You think I can't fix my own wounds?" he asked.

"I would be impressed if you could." you spoke back, pretending to lean onto the table to have easier access to your knife.

"You are indeed easily impressionable." he smirked, toying with you. "Let me show you," he crashed his lips on yours, and caught your wrists in his. He kissed you passionately, enjoying your wriggle under him, then he took his mouth away, chuckling at your offended face. "Easy, see?" he smirked.

"You! Let go!" you struggled and managed to free yourself from him and managed to run for a few steps, you pulled out your knife while you ran, then you felt something hit you.

He then dashed to you; he elbowed you in the back of your head and held you tightly from behind, bringing you down to your knees. “What can you even do?” he whispered. “Nothing.” he chuckled as he heard you yelp in surprise.

"I'll make you regret you saw me and not some other _'nagging healer'_!" you spoke in his choke hold, and roughly tried to get up but his arms were pressing down his whole weight on top of you; you struck his shin with your knife, piercing his leg, cutting it downwards.

He hissed in pain, "You bitch!" he insulted you through gritted teeth.

In your dizziness, you tried to attack him with the knife once more but he slapped your hand away, disarming you and taking your knife by the blade with his bare hands. _“What the... Shit!”_ you thought and struggled in his grasp in vain. You were immobilized in his arms with no weapon or any means of moving, and you then felt his other hand wrap around your mouth, clenching his fingers around your jawline. You bit him, and briefly managed to scream "Enough!" before his hand returned to your mouth.

“If I can’t have you, no one can.” he swung your knife swiftly and barely missed your heart, piercing your chest with faulty accuracy, and your body jerked into his as he held you tightly.

You gasped in his arms and placed your hand on the hilt of the knife, keeping it in when he withdrew his hand away. You stumbled forwards and fell on your arms, and shortly after you collapsed on the ground sideways, struggling with every ounce in your being to stay awake. You watched the would-be murderer storm away after he looked at you with a slightly shocked face, and noticed he left your door open after doing so. Looking around, but slowly losing consciousness, you crawled and barely pulled yourself to the table where you kept your tools, grabbing the first thing that came to your hand. With the other hand closely grasping the knife and keeping the wound steady, you knocked the pair of scissors on the ground as someone passed by. They must've heard you scream. To grab their attention, you threw the object towards the door as they approached. “Help,” you mouthed, still trying to stay awake.

That someone froze in the doorway, locking eyes with you briefly before running away.

“This is it then,” you breathed out, you almost closed your eyes, _"I'll die like this?"_ you asked yourself. You thought that Jhin would find your death a stupid one: stabbed by your own knife, surrounded by all these things that could fix this problem; and so you held on for as long as you could out of spite - you opened your eyes, “No,” you looked around the room you were in and studied everything you could in order to stay alert, _“I don't want to. Jhin hates this place.”_ you kept thinking to yourself. _“Will someone come? Stay awake.”_ you started repeating your own name as a chant, a mantra to remember and keep your mind busy. Noise. Make noise. Internal noise. Outside noise. _“Noise.”_ you slightly smiled in pain, _“That song was nice.”_ you remembered that melody that played in your mind when you shot the man at that play Jhin took you to, _“Payback?”_ you turned on your back and lied down, looking upwards; you felt the blade between your ribs sink inside with every pained breath, leaving you wincing at each inhale, _"Head hurts...."_. You tasted your own blood on your tongue, _“Nono.”_ you turned your head and opened your mouth to spit it out, _“Not thirsty,”_ you chuckled in your mind. _“Sleepy...”_ between half-closed eyelids and blurry vision, a tear escaped just before you saw a group of people barge in, and felt them pick you up. “There,” you weakly whispered to them, struggling to breathe, and pointed at a drawer where you kept your healing herbs. “Nice plants.” you dropped your arm, now losing your battle with the real world as you finally closed your eyes. “Please,” you drifted off.

Jhin watched from afar as the villagers rushed to your aid, and cursed himself for being right. His eyes bolted towards the culprit, seeing the man he warned you about running away with a limp, "Well, look at that." he whispered to himself with a satisfied smirk. He pulled out his gun and followed him slowly, he saw his pace falter once he ran enough. They were now out of town, so no one could hear his shots. “What better start to the day than revenge on a lover. Quite poetic,” he spoke to himself as he took aim, raising his arm and gun. “On another thought…” he put it down and followed some more as he assembled his sniper rifle, enjoying the sense of peace that was obvious in your murderer’s demeanor. Thinking he had made his escape, the vigilante tore his shirt and began trying to bandage his leg frantically. “This is a more fitting punishment for our rebel thug.” he wickedly smiled beneath his mask. “One,” he shot him in the wounded leg once, obliterating it into an explosion of flowers. Jhin heard his cries of pain and chuckled to himself. “Be a dear and play the music louder.” He shot again, counting the second and upcoming shots in his mind, hitting his other leg, pinning him to the ground via delightful blooms. The third fire went into his belly. “Whatever shall we do with you?” he thought as he watched the man panic as he tried to pluck the petals growing from himself, crying and screaming in confusion and pain, “I’ve had enough of your song. Silence.” he shot the gun a fourth time, splitting the man’s head from the body with a powerful bullet that blew his throat away, enjoying the colorful bloody blast. “I cannot tolerate such ugliness. You’re a coward, and to think you defiled her with your savagery.” he admired his artwork from afar as he pondered your possible demise. “Now, if you managed to kill her, I would be so…” he trailed off, thinking about you. “Disappointed.” he spoke between clenched teeth and composed himself from the anger brewing inside himself. Jhin walked past his corpse and gazed down on it, noticing the obvious details that gave the thought of you away. To a normal eye, they looked like grotesque fleshy sculptures, but to Jhin they were your favorite things shaped into carnal flowers, and the colors reflected your eyes, your hair, your skin, along with the color of the clothes you wore today. It was a sad composition that he loves and hates to see on someone other than you. The artist kept walking after he was done admiring his own doing, the body began decaying quickly in fiery dust and glittery smoke behind him. He took off his mask and concealed his gun before he reached the village shortly after, and noticed the usual crowds were gone and everyone who was on the streets was silent. He saw people going out from your clinic with defeated looks on their faces, and his heart dropped. He kept up a composed demeanor and calm face, pretending to have just arrived in town. He stopped a passerby, “Excuse me, friend. I find myself in need of the local medic. Could you tell me where they are?” he politely asked.

“Down this street. Don’t bother though, she’s just been stabbed. Doubt she can help you.” the villager answered, sighing. “She’s barely holding on as it is. Her apothecary is doing his best to keep her alive right now.” he added.

Jhin clenched his teeth at the thought of him, but a few weeks had passed since his jealous outburst and he told himself that he won’t act on it for your own good. He looked at the man next to him who was now looking at him funny while he was slightly spaced out, “Alright. Thank you.” he spoke before darting away _._ He jogged towards the clinic and stood in the doorway, looking at you: your apothecary was carefully tending the wound beneath your breasts, and Jhin saw him linger his hands near them, and it took his entire will to keep himself from pulling him away that second and choking him, knowing that man is the only one with a chance at saving you. Jhin cleared his throat and caught his attention. “I was told that she was stabbed.” he spoke, “I’m either looking at necrophilia or a sad excuse of a pervert.” he reproached while taking a seat next to him. He looked at his face, he distracted himself from reality by looking at the man, _"I would've made your face less repulsive right now, had she not been dying."_ he thought and slightly squinted at him as their eyes met.

The apothecary jumped at Jhin’s words, “Neither of those. Not the time, buddy.” he spoke before returning to the losing battle of your wound, knowing your grip on the living was weakening by the second. He kept applying the mix of herbs you had around and knew which ones would help you, but none of them could stop the bleeding. It was simply too much, and the wound was too deep; no amount of ordinary medical attention could help you, and he knew this. Yet, he persisted under the gaze of the stranger who was next to him. He sighed when he ran out of options and he insisted on repeating the process time and time again to no avail. He almost gave up, displaying a defeated pose with slumped shoulders and teary eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered your name.

Jhin sat in silence and observed his work, and looked at your almost dead form, and for the first time in his life, he felt truly helpless. He took a deep breath, knowing your fate rests on a single strange idea _, "I owe her a try,"_ he thought to himself. “Move away, you imbecile. I can help.” he snapped, tired of bouncing his leg nervously as he watched your apothecary struggled.

“You?" he asked, reluctant.

"Go, or I _will_ make you leave." he stared him down, standing in front of him.

The apothecary knew a fight would be the worst idea right now and he sighed in exasperation, "Fine.” he said, frowning between tears, “She’s almost dead anyway.” he got up and handed the herbs to Jhin, "Use these. I'll be outside."

“Very well.” he replied and waved off the man out of the room, who slammed the table before storming out. Jhin got up and closed the door to your clinic behind him, locking it so no one could enter. He returned to you and placed his hand on the wound, putting the herbs away with the hand that was holding them. “Not so good now, are you?” he whispered to you with half-closed eyelids. He refrained from scolding you further. He noticed you didn’t have much time left; your skin cold that was to the touch, your weak breathing combined with a barely present pulse sent Jhin a sense of urgency, and he felt his heart pounding with uneasiness. He focused on you and pulled himself together quickly. He took a deep breath and started the healing process by using his magic - for the first time ever, it was used to give life instead of taking it. He kept his hand on you as he took steady breaths, trying so hard to do something that felt against his own nature, "Help me help you." he spoke to you, unsure of himself. Keeping you alive was a struggle and bringing you back from the edge was bordering impossibility, yet Jhin felt it was an end unfitting to you, so he wanted you to have another chance - you saved his life, now it was only fair he did the same to you. Using the magic in such an intimate and new way was a feeling that overwhelmed him, and he had trouble processing his thoughts as it was - it felt so alien to know you like this. He needed to focus on finding the right way to revive you. Instead of focusing on what could shape the human body, he had to focus on how it got unmade, so it can bloom once more in the correct pattern; your veins ran like rivers under his palm, disconnected. He guided them timidly into place, doubt dictating his every confident move. That alone gave the body its form, but what shapes life itself? His other hand went to your forehead and caressed it. He was relieved to feel your breath return with each second, combined with the pulse that was picking up when he let his mind wander to all the memoirs he locked away like forbidden treasures, along with the rhythm of silent music, a mute beat. He felt _you_. He was scared; Jhin took a step back from you when a quick wave of energy flowed through him.

You were in a deathly dream, where your vision danced on the line between life and death, holding an equilibrium as an acrobat would - a sparkle suddenly caught your eye and caused you to turn slightly, so you tripped when you took a step towards it, falling in a moment of inattentive distraction. There was such a serene feeling that could only be the afterlife. You saw a rose petal, and began running after it in the dream-like state; it kept floating farther and farther away. You reached out your arm towards it and tried to yell, “ **Wait!** ” but no sound came out, your own voice echoing within your mind. Suddenly, there was a ringing in your ears and it was so annoying you began crying out of frustration, it felt like it went on forever. “ _No, no, no! Not now! I'm busy!_ ” you kept running towards the petal, and the ringing began following you from behind, hounding your every move with a persistence that beckoned the end. Your endless run was suddenly stopped when you stumbled and felt a cloud of mist engulf you - " _There's so much to do..._ ", you whispered to yourself - it entangled with you in a silky smooth feeling against your skin, almost as if it was an embrace. You gasped, breathing it in, and a sense of calm surrounded you. You suddenly woke up, searching for air and opening your eyes wide. You saw Jhin next to you with a terribly shocked expression on his face that turned into the most genuine smile you had ever seen on his face. You tried to sit up but everything hurt, and you fell back in the stretcher with a groan. With a breath that felt like a chore, you spoke to Jhin, “Are you that happy I'm dead?”

“On the contrary,” he replied, taking your hand in his. “You are very much alive.” his grin faded quickly, settling into a slight smile.

You closed your eyes and sighed deeply, and heard Jhin chuckle.

He mistook your relief for complaint, “Reality is often disappointing.” he told you jokingly.

“Was it you?” you asked, trying to come to your senses.

Jhin looked down and back at you, “Yes.” he breathed out in a whisper. “If by that, you mean I was the one who brought you back to life.”

“That raises even more questions.” you raised your eyebrows and opened your eyes. “Is he dead?” you remembered the vigilante.

“Lightly put.” Jhin replied.

“I want to go home.” you told him, lingering your hand on his.

“Perhaps tonight, when no one would see me walking with you in my arms.” Jhin told you, “You’re in no shape to walk.” he spoke.

You suddenly heard banging on the door, “Ugh...?”

“Oh, it's just your apothecary,” he smirked. “I locked him out.” he came closer to you, “Just so he doesn’t see this.” he bent down and placed a set of four quick kisses on you, before getting up. “Go to sleep.” he instructed you. “I’ll come back later.” and with those words, he unlocked the door and stepped outside. He locked eyes with the apothecary briefly as he rushed back in, relieved to see you alive. If looks could kill, then Jhin’s own piercing gaze would’ve shot right through the man there, yet he needed to focus on the matter of getting you back home. 

“Who was that?” you asked the apothecary.

“I don’t know...or how, b-but he saved you.” he replied, wary.

You smiled and closed your eyes.

Jhin's silhouette quickly faded into the village buildings and found himself on a rooftop, reflecting on his own actions, alone with his thoughts. He felt wrong, he had never saved someone - he was just glad it was you, he had felt like he was in your debt all the time he had known you. Would that mean that he is no longer tied to you, to the promise? His life was now fully repaid, and he had no more obligations towards you. He pondered whether or not to take you home, and he found himself in between two worlds once more. The kill he made today and the life he gave, all one after another. It was so strange, Jhin felt frustrated and didn’t know where to pick up his feelings. _“Selfish that you only saved her to bring her own death in a perfect and beautiful way.”_ His heart began pounding as the pace of his breath escalated, he murmured to himself "No." He sighed and took off his bag. Jhin stole the knife from your belongings and studied it; this cursed knife that changed the course of his life. He hated it, but at the same time, he knew you held onto it for comfort - he never taught you how to properly wield it, but it was endearing to see you so confident in your clumsy fighting skills; he felt a naive purpose in protecting you when he could. He clutched his hand around it tighter, and ran a finger on the bloodied blade - mainly your blood. The dried liquid on it felt like it was ash under his fingertips; he took some bullet casings from his travel pouch and filled them with his usual powder mix, then he scraped the knife to collect the residue into them. “These bullets will bring certainty where there is none. ” he clutched them in his hand and imbued them with magic, then he spent a few minutes etching the numbers I, II, III, and IV on them with the knife. His face displayed a calm emotion, yet he felt anxious. “ _Now is not the time, it can’t be right._ ” But when would it be right? He sighed deeply and he wanted to throw the bullets away, but he put them away, _"If not for her, for my masterpiece"_. He watched the day go by, thinking about you and watching the village from afar; time had never passed so slowly. He took his mask in his hands and stared back at it, it was like he was looking in the mirror - it was him. It is who he is, and without it, there would be no Golden Demon - no fame, no face, no name. No one. His passion is him, his love for it shapes his desires and world. It is who he is to you, and it is who he is to the world. The man beneath did not matter to him anymore. Little and insignificant. Forgotten. He clutched the mask tighter in his hand, _"She never forgot."_

He looked up to the sky again and the sun had set, but it wasn’t yet time to go. Jhin put the mask back in his bag along with the rest of the belongings and tightened it in place against his body. He spent the last minutes watching the star fade into the horizon, appreciating nature’s own show, he smiled against the wind as it caressed his hair. The blinding light flared up one last time before dusk overtook the sky. Yet Jhin kept waiting for complete nightfall; it came so slowly, and when it finally did, he jumped down and carefully sneaked around the dimly lit streets. “ _Why are you doing this?_ ” his thoughts whipped the back of his mind as he took to the shadows whenever someone was near. He slowly got closer to the clinic and a wave of doubts hit against his thoughts again, like a violent rain banging on a window. “ _I must._ ” he reached his destination with a swift short run, and tried to open the door. It was locked, so he simply pulled out a lock pick and masterfully opened it - child’s play.

Inside, he saw you as he left you, yet you were now sleeping. Jhin took a few steps and got closer to you, and seeing you like this made him feel something deep in his being shift - he had a knot in his stomach, but it was not due to love. He pulled out the bullets and held them in his palm, he looked at them then back at you. You were now his mistake - a life given, not taken. A secret, and now an error in judgment. But above all, you were his to keep and correct; he will do so at his own pace, _"As if ever,"_ he thought. He placed the bullets back, and walked closer to you, “Awake yet, my dear?” he asked you in a hushed tone, but he received no answer. He felt relieved you were deeply asleep, and he easily picked you up. He held you tightly in his arms, and stealthily left the clinic. Jhin kept your limp body close to his, and he felt his heart jump at the sight of you, conflicting against every command of his mind. He realized he had made a mistake all those years ago - it was you who was in his heart, and it was his mind that drove him in his creations, not the other way around. Nonetheless, the conflicting interests kept his thoughts twisted and stressed, an immense storm that was supposed to end today - yet, Jhin loved you. He couldn’t kill you just like this, it wouldn’t be right. Killing you wouldn’t be right. He simply doesn’t want to now. He furrowed his brows and looked at you after he felt your arm cling to his shoulder. He whispered your name and saw your eyes open slightly at the sound of his voice. “Wouldn’t you wish you were with… if we were normal?” he asked you in a low tone, but once more, there was no answer. He pressed his lips together. “Not that it matters.” he sighed. Jhin knew you were the moth to his flame that he cannot extinguish.

He finally reached your home with you in his arms and opened the door with his leg, carefully closing it silently right after, as to not wake you up. He walked to your bed and gently placed you in it, and he stood beside you, looking at you; your skin was lit by the moonlight. The whole scene was a mirror of the past, with roles reversed - it felt as reality was altered in this moment, and Jhin looked down with his head in his hand. He sat down on his knees beside the bed, resting his head on it and holding your hand - he fell asleep.

You woke up the next morning and saw Jhin next to you, sprawled all over the floor but holding your hand. You brushed it with your thumb and he jumped awake. “Didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry.” you whispered. You got up and it pained you to do so, and you held onto your wound with a hiss.

Jhin stood up and looked at you with a sad but calm gaze. There was an awkward silence between you two.

“So…” you spoke weakly.

“So.” he parroted you.

“Thank you.” you smiled up at him, “I love you.” you told him confidently, relieved to see him.

He smiled slightly and bowed his head.

“I don’t know where I would be now if not for you.” you continued.

“Dead.” Jhin let you know.

“But why did you save me?” you asked. You saw Jhin sit next to you, his hand rested on your wound lightly. 

“It was only fair that I repay my own life by saving yours.” he answered, looking away. “I also got to kill the man that did this to you.” he chuckled, “A little target practice, if you will.” he turned his head and looked at you, flashing you a shy smile.

You locked eyes for a moment and you felt your heart pound heavily against your chest. You breathed out a half-chuckle with a smile on your face, “What now?” 

“Now you live." He replied. "No more, no less." He looked a bit grim as he spoke. His somber expression faded with your touch, and he leaned into it as he laid down to place a kiss on your lips. His mouth lingered on yours and his hand found your cheek quickly before his lips parted with yours, caressing it briefly. "I have to tell you something." Jhin looked at you with a serious look on his face, and he felt his heartbeat drum against his mind, echoing into an anxious beat.

"Of course, what is it?" You looked at him worried, and noticed he seemed to have fallen into a silent moment which seemed to last longer than it did. "You can tell me anything," you pressed, taking his hand in yours.

"My thoughts… my mind. You. I've been thinking about killing you." He took his hand away and stood up. His lightly wrinkled eyes closed and he continued speaking, avoiding looking at you at all costs. "But I just can't." 

You looked at him, pulling your legs closer to yourself as sat in bed. "Can't or don't want to?" You asked, expecting no reply. You breathed out.

"More of the latter." Jhin said, answering you. "I find myself enjoying your company far more than I would enjoy your death." he confessed.

"You know…" you spoke in a sad tone. "Almost dying yesterday put life into perspective. There are so many people that still need me, what would happen if I was gone?" You wept gently, remembering your almost-last memory before you came back to life, "I don't want to die, Jhin." You broke down in tears and placed your face in your hands; you sniffed, voice cracking.

"I know." He answered. Jhin sat next to you and placed a hand on your knee, and simply looked at you, heart torn in two. He moved his hand to your head and ran it through your locks. "Yet in this moment, you are alive. You will be alright." He looked at your reddened eyes when you raised your head slightly. "I apologize, this isn't appropriate, but you're so beautiful." he ran the back of his palm against your cheek. He gathered his thoughts for a second, "I still have a promise to keep, remember?" he tried to reassure you. "And I am nothing if I am not a man of my word."

You calmed a bit after that, and exhaled. "Thank you, and by the way, you were right." You whispered.

"About?" he asked, expecting you to tell him you should’ve listened to him.

"Sometimes I do wish we were normal." You replied, holding his cheek. "But where would the drama be in that?" You smiled at him between your tears and enjoyed the sound of his chuckle.

“You, my darling, are quite right.” he replied, looking away.

“Jhin.” you spoke his name with conviction. “How exactly did you save me?” you asked.

He raised his eyebrows and exhaled. “Simply put, magic.” he looked at his hand as he answered plainly. “I suppose the answer is more complicated than that.”

“Tell me.” you demanded, moving your hand to his shoulder.

“If you insist; despite not knowing an accurate answer myself, I will try my best to explain.” he looked back at you. “I had to repair your, what do you call them... “ he thought, “The little things that are present in all things? I heard you talk about them sometimes. It does not matter.” he continued. “I digress. That alone only fixed your body, but I felt pieces of your spirit that were not… there.” he tried explaining and he gestured towards himself, a faint blush colored his cheeks. He cleared his throat, “I had to fill in the gaps - the easiest way to explain, the whole process was like fixing a broken vase. The glue was magic. In a way, I am now a part of you.” Jhin shrugged and looked at you. “I know this must sound like the ramblings of a madman.”

“Not at all.” you looked at him with wide eyes, “I'm just thinking,” you stopped, looking at Jhin. “You clearly have a gift you have just discovered. You can help me.” you took his hand in yours, smiling. “You can pay the world back all the lives you took!” you excitedly told him, and saw that he seemed reluctant, if not horrified. “What?” you asked in indignation.

“No. I can't." he pushed away, walking towards the other end of the small room. “To bring you back was no easy feat, and for it to succeed, you have to... _know_ the person,” he explained. “On levels more than physical.” Jhin sighed. “And I simply cannot bring myself to do it again. Just like you cannot take a life, I simply cannot give.” he looked at you, “Understand this. Please."

“What are you talking about?” you tried to reason, “How else can you _'know'_ a person? What level? Are you just going to throw away this wonderful thing? Keep killing? Tell me, how else can you know a person?” you kept talking, and as you made the connection in your mind, you looked at him, and he was looking right back at you. Your eyes widened and you suddenly went silent for a moment before speaking again. “Are you talking about…?” 

The nod Jhin gave you was enough to know.

* * *

  
  
  


**II**

Shortly after, you jumped right back into the world, ready for anything. That week, after a day or two, Jhin said his usual goodbyes and left you to take care of yourself; you returned to work. You felt at ease, knowing he mentioned he’d come back four days later to check on you: that would be today, so you took an early leave from your clinic, excited to return home.

_"Hey," you heard your apothecary greet you from the doorway, "Need some help?" he asked._

_"I think I'm fine," you finished wrapping a bandage around the patients wounded arm. You looked at him and he seemed worried. "Something on your mind?"_

_"I- yes." he sighed, "I was thinking about you. I wanted to make sure you're okay," he spoke to you as your patient left the clinic. He cleared his throat, "And the man who saved you..." his tone was uneasy.  
_

_"What man?" you inquired._

_"You don't remember?" he replied._

_"Oh, I do." you thought to yourself. "N-no - no, I don't think I do... Wasn't it you who saved me? My memories are still blurry." you spoke with a confused tone as you began tidying up._

_"'I'm afraid not. It was someone else - I just thought maybe you know something about him; we could use his help here. I swear I've seen his face around before, he's some sort of traveler. Didn't have him pegged for a spirit healer, too." he scratched his head. "A magical vagabond, just what you needed. Ugh, Ionia's so weird." he shrugged with a disgruntled face, then he sighed. "Just glad you're safe."_

_You laughed heartily and wrapped up your busywork. "Nope, got no idea who he is. Also, thanks." you patted his shoulder. "If you don't mind, I want to go home." you raised your eyebrows and smiled as you gestured him to move out of the doorway, "See you tomorrow"._

As you walked back home, you thought about Jhin’s words on and on, bringing you a smile each time.

In the meantime, during all those days he was gone, Jhin met up with a client, in a town not too far from your own. He got his envelope with the details and the money paid upfront. On the road to you, he replayed the conversation they had on repeat in his mind.

-

_"Interested in some news?" the man spoke towards Jhin.  
_

_"I am more interested in the job you have to offer this time." he replied, "But if you insist." he bowed slightly._

_“You see... my son has been killed.” he told Jhin, pouring himself a glass of wine. “He and I were never close, but to lose a child in such a way - truly heartbreaking.” he sat down and offered Jhin a seat as well, “I don’t suppose you would know whom, out of your own knowledge, might’ve done it?” he politely smiled and looked at the man before him._

_Jhin took a seat next to him, “I fail to see why this should concern me. Justice is not quite my area of expertise and frankly, neither is it artistic; may we proceed with the contract?” he asked._

_“If you insist.” the man replied sourly. “I thought a little bit of drama would have piqued your curiosity, at the very least.” he smirked._

_“I am simply eager to perform is all.” Jhin replied._

_“I see.” He handed him the envelope. "Feel free to open it right now, if you so wish."_

_"Very well." the artist took the package along with the payment._

_“And since you are a professional, I expect this to be done as soon as next week.” he spoke, watching Jhin open the envelope. He noticed his grasp on it tightened slightly as he read._

_Jhin looked up with his unmasked eye, “And who is this person to you?”_

_“You are a professional, are you not, my dear Demon? You’ve killed when you were told. Do the targets matter?” the client spoke towards Jhin._

_“A small correction. It is not I who kills-" he replied._

_"I don't care about your little play pretend." the man brushed him off, interrupting him. "Answer my question."_

_"No, they do not. Yet I am simply tired of working with the subjects of the likes you have presented so far.” Jhin replied, annoyed, tension brewing between them._

_“Trust me, I know you will absolutely love this one once you get to it.” he smirked, “You also have become slightly sloppy, as of late," he needled Jhin, despite the fact that he was never disappointed by the performances._

_Jhin tensed his hand and sneered beneath the mask, “My apologies. If you find my work lacking, I would remind you that those who find it so, also find themselves in it.”_

_“Oh, you should know better than to threaten me, boy.” the man warned Jhin, chuckling. “Now, if you’d excuse me. I am a busy man.” the client dismissed him with a wave._

-

“Jhin!” you greeted him with a smile on your face. You ran towards him to embrace him, happy to see him, “I’m glad you came.” you caught his shoulders in your hands and looked at him, he still wore his disguise and equipment.

“You’re in an awful cheery mood today, my dear,” he noted, looking at you with a side-eye as he left his bag down. He turned to you as you put your hands on your hips, irked at his words, “My apologies. I just had a hard time with a commission.” he sighed. 

“How hard could it have been?” you asked, helping him with his stuff. “Let me take your things.” you picked his mask up as he handed it over to you. You put it nearby.

He didn’t answer.

  
  



	6. Enchant and Destroy - Finale in two (Part 2)

**III**

“Alright, then.” you spoke. “Can I offer you anything to drink or eat?”

“No, thank you.” he stopped and rested on a chair, sighing deeply, running his hand through his hair, arranging it.

You walked closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m here for you, maybe you want to talk about it?” he seemed tense at your touch, but you felt his hand on yours soon after.

“I appreciate it, but my troubles are my own,” Jhin replied. He got up and stood before you, “You can help me with one thing.” he smirked.

“Which is?” you replied, stepping closer into his frame. 

“Hush,” he bent down slightly and kissed you, “For a moment, at least,” he spoke between breaths. He wrapped his arms around you and placed his hands on your waist, pulling you tighter into him; then, one of his hands traced your back upwards with a feather-like touch and he rested it between your hair locks, caressing them with a thumb as he swayed with you in the stillness of the moment; his foggy mind could only welcome the distraction.

"Jhin, listen to me." You broke the kiss and took his jaw in your hands, cupping his face lightly. "Don't you think for a second that you are on your own, I want to help you. I'm alwa-"

"Please, stop." Jhin placed a finger on your lips and sighed. He took his hand away. "You can heal my body if need be. You cannot heal my mind." As he spoke, he held your hands and brought them to his chest. "I know you are stubborn, but there is nothing left for you to fix."

You felt helpless. You wanted to pursue your kindness knowing deep inside, he was struggling with himself and felt as if his art, his passion, became more of an addiction than a willing act every time you saw him return; surely, it kept its twisted claws so deeply etched into his mind, you could not begin to fathom how to help, or where he ended and _it_ began. All you could do was comfort, but not offer freedom. Love, but not salvation. "I wish I could do more." You admitted, defeated. "All I want is for you to be happy."

He couldn't help but chuckle at your naivety. It warmed his splintered soul knowing that, despite everything you've been through, you've kept your charming virtue. "Oh, darling. Never change." He smiled slightly and brushed his fingers against your cheekbones, sighing. "Only you make this world less cruel." he looked at you with saddened eyes but with a smile on his face. Jhin kept his gaze on you, inviting.

You embraced him and rested your head on his chest, enjoying one of the brief but sincere moments between you two. “Stay with me.” you whispered.

Hearing those words was like an arrow shot through his chest; it was in this moment his whole body told him to flee - yet, he spoke, agreeing. “I will.” he whispered back.

“I mean it. Live here, with me.” you looked at him, pulling him towards you. “All this time and those ‘commissions’ must be taking their toll on you.” you caressed Jhin’s cheek and looked at his face. “Aren’t you tired?”

“My work is unfortunately endless,” he replied. “You know I cannot.”

You pulled your hands away, looking downwards. “I understand.” you took a few steps back and sat down. “I know it’s a lost cause; us living together, I mean.” you spoke, pausing, “But I will keep trying.” you looked at Jhin, “Until otherwise.” 

He leaned away for a few minutes gazing out the window, watching the woods as he listened to you speak, but he didn’t turn around when you stopped. Jhin sighed gently, his breath fogged the glass and he looked at his blurry reflection. He turned his head around and looked at you, the awkward moment between you ending when he spoke. “My dear.” he turned around completely. “Let me take you out.” Jhin took a few steps towards you and lent his hand to you, and pulled you up, smirking at your surprised face. “You seem to forget what event today marks.” he beamed with a roguish smile.

You pondered for a second and thought about it. “Hm?”

“This day, all those years ago, we met.” he replied.

“Oh, right!” you suddenly remembered. “Thanks for reminding me,” you smiled.

“And,” he brushed one of your hair locks away, “What better way to celebrate than with a date?” he walked away with a slight jump in his steps; he took off his cream cloak, spun around on his heel and threw it away dramatically while bowing towards you. “After you, my little secret.” he chuckled and offered you his arm. Jhin flashed you a small smile when he felt your hand wrap around his limb.

“You’re full of surprises today, aren’t you?” you nudged him, resting your head on his shoulder as you walked outside the house.

“Perhaps.” he pulled his arm away and wrapped it around your waist, holding you tightly close to him.

-

Jhin handed the waiter the money for your drinks, ordering another round. He teased you about being too eager to drink.

"Hey, wine is wine!" you raised your arms in a small shrug, with a mischievous smile on your face. "Come on Jhin, don't be such a stick in the mud. We're just having fun for the first time in forever," you smiled at him and your eyes met. "Wine is just for the hell of it. I certainly don't need it to feel good, especially when I'm with you." you flirted.

He smiled back, slightly blushing, "I am not a stick in the mud." he defended himself. He put on a thoughtful face, "How can I be when I live to entertain?" he crossed his arms at you.

You leaned into him, whispering, "Oh, I don't doubt your entertainment skills." you smirked at him.

He nudged you with a impulsive light hit of his elbow. He tried to keep a straight face.

"Wanna see how I can make you lose that serious face you fake so well?" you devilishly grinned, and saw Jhin raise his eyebrow. "My apothecary, you remember him, right? He called you a magical vagabond." you laughed.

He squinted his eyes, then he leaned away from you, his face slightly red - he was half acting, but he remembers how much he wanted to kill your apothecary. "Darling, I am truly hurt." he replied sarcastically with a hand over his chest faking offense and squeezed his empty glass in his other, Jhin pressed his lips together and frowned. "Give me some poisonous herbs, please. Not for him, for me. How can I live like this knowing some washed up good for nothing pretender called me that, I'll -" Jhin rambled and he was interrupted by the waiter, who asked to take his empty glass. He composed himself immediately by clearing his throat, adjusting his pose, and letting go of the object. He smiled sincerely and chuckled along at your amusement. It was an endearing moment for him, seeing you so relaxed; it had been too long since he saw you unwind.

"I'll make sure to get you the good stuff." You took another sip of wine and shot him a look. “Oh! Do you remember that guy that mistook you for a jester?” you reminded him with a tease. “He was so convinced you were there to act.” you looked at Jhin, who grimaced, and you started laughing harder. You then looked at him again, and he was now resting his face in his palm, watching you.

“Do go on, my dear.” he smugly gestured for you to continue.

“It looks like everyone has something to say about you, huh?" you smirked, and looked at Jhin.

Jhin leaned into you slightly, intrigued. "I have heard plenty of things. Hmm... How would you describe me now?" his tone curious.

"You've got killer looks." you replied and heard Jhin chuckle, "And you're the strangest mixture of... ugh, um... " you lost your words due to the small amount of alcohol you've had, and sprouted out the first one that came to mind, "Cute."

He was so confused at your words. "Excuse you?" he laughed. "People call me many things; this is a first." Jhin kept chuckling. "Cute?" he asked, oddly charmed by it.

"Look, can we get back to laughing at your expense?" you grimaced, slightly uncomfortable. "ItistruebutIwishthegroundwillswallowmewholenowokay." you whispered so fast it was barely intelligible. You frowned at Jhin who was delighted at your awkward state.

He secretly loved seeing you flustered like this, but he spoke against his impulse to tease you further. "Of course; you were making fun of how I got mistaken for a jester. Look who's laughing now," he chuckled and kissed your cheek with a self-satisfied attitude.

"Thanks." you cleared your throat, "Yeah, turns out, you were there to perform.” your smile faded and you looked at the glass next to you, memories of your first kill flashing in your mind. “Just not in the way everyone expected.”

“Does it still bother you?” he asked.

“More than I let it show.” you admitted with a deep sigh. “I think about that man I killed every day.” you pressed your lips together. “It’s a further driving force in my work; I try to make up for it as much as I can. What about you, Jhin? Do all your performances not haunt your thoughts?”

“If I said they did not, that would be a lie. Perhaps not in the way you’d expect, but sometimes I do think about them.” he took a sip of his beverage and cleared his throat. “I’ve made my choices long ago, yet they never seemed to taint my consciousness; all I can think about is how to improve my art.” he fidgeted with the glass, turning it in his palm, “Perfection never seems to be enough,” he ended the sentence with your name and looked at you.

“I suppose we all have our burdens, in a way.” you sighed, and gazed down into your drink once more and swirled it around in the glass. You sat in silence for a few minutes, clearing your thoughts with a deep sigh.

“My dear, what seems to be on your mind?” Jhin asked you.

“It is a pretty weird question, I suppose.” you exhaled a half-chuckle. “But we’ve known each other for so long, I figured I might as well ask. What’s your real name?” you leaned on the table towards Jhin on your crossed arms. “Who is Khada Jhin?” you smiled.

“Why don't you ask me that later?” he leaned into you as he whispered and threw you a playful wink. He straightened his posture and returned to his normal idle pose, fixating you with his look; he enjoyed the way the lights of the candles shone in your eyes and the slight breeze coming through the restaurant windows pulled at your hair gently. He studied your smile and the way you looked at him in the fleeting moment, then he reached out his hand and rested it on yours. He leaned in and kissed you gently. “But for now, let’s head back. I would hate to lose this night in here.” he whispered.

“After you, my darling.” you mimicked his voice and chuckled.

He sighed and lightly tapped your nose in retaliation. “That is not quite as funny as you think.” he smiled, “I will let it slip with just a warning this time, but just because you’ve had some wine.”

-

While you were walking hand in hand back home through the moonlit forest, you saw Jhin deep in thought. With a mischievous smile, you yanked his arm and then tore your hand away from his and began running. “Can’t catch me!” you giggled and your jog became a sprint.

Jhin smiled, “Tsk tsk tsk.” he kept walking behind you, letting you catch a head start.

“Why so slow, old man?” you turned around but didn’t see Jhin behind you at all. You stopped and looked around, slightly spooked. “Jhin?” the atmosphere seemed eerily quiet and the breeze was colder when he was missing from your side. There was more silence at your question, so you spoke up again. “I know you’re just trying to scare me, it’s not gonna work!” your tone was louder. “Not at all!” your voice raised further. You seemed defeated when nothing happened, and exhaled nervously. You heard Jhin’s chuckle close by. “Stop it!” you spoke against the darkness. “This isn’t funny.” you began walking again while staying aware of your surroundings, and checked if your knife was on your back. It wasn’t. “ _That’s odd._ ” you thought. _“I wonder where I left it.”_ you kept walking towards the nearby close by lake, thoughts tense and body tenser.

“Care to say that again?” Jhin spoke behind you, embracing you from behind in his arms.

You screamed and jumped, “Dammit!” you rested in his frame, taking a deep breath.

He chuckled as he placed his hands on your hips and his head on the crook of your neck. “Forgot you and I are about the same age?” his arms wrapped around you.

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” you placed your hand over your chest and exhaled in relief, “And no, I haven’t. I was just teasing you.” after calming down, you placed your hands on his arms and rested your head on him.

“Is a tease all I get for catching you?” he whispered in your ear.

You felt his arms tighten around you and the slight buzz of the alcohol amplified the warmth you felt in your cheeks in response to hearing his hushed voice so close to you, sending you shivers down your spine. “What reward would you like, then?” you whispered as he kissed your shoulder and spun you around gently.

He chuckled against your neck as he peppered kisses on it, “This should give you an idea.” he took a few steps towards the tree behind you and pinned you against it.

You smiled and your eyes met, and the glimmer in his eyes pierced right through your heart. You raised a leg over his waist and felt his hand hold it up, and you placed your hands around his neck, dragging them down in a caress against his chest. “I don’t know, I think I could use a few more hints...” you smirked and your lips were soon covered by his.

His mouth slid around yours with ease, lips toying against each other in a slow pace, he leaned down slightly and picked your other leg up, and felt your limbs completely wrap around his hips. Jhin sighed in pleasure and continued kissing you, pressing against you. He raised his eyebrows as he felt your fingers dig into his back. He broke the kiss briefly, “I only had a kiss or four in mind, but you seem eager to please.” he hummed a chuckle. He kept you up and placed another peck on your cheeks before putting you down.

You shot him a skeptical look, raising your eyebrow.

“Hold on to that idea you had there. For now,” he spoke and pulled you by your hands towards him, taking a few steps back; he let go of them and bowed before you, offering you his hand, “May I have this dance?” he looked up and smiled.

You chuckled and took his hand, “Of course.” you took a step forward and let yourself be shaped into the correct form by Jhin.

“I know we haven’t done this in a while,” he spoke as he took a few steps along with you, “So I’ll lead.” he picked up the pace imagining a song in his head, keeping an alert rhythm, pulling you along. He kept leading you towards the water, and just as you were about to step into it, he spun you around and pulled you into him - quickly after, he pushed you away holding your hand, tensing the limbs together; he then repeated the pull, this time he held you tighter and gave you a kiss. Jhin then took a few playful steps backwards, beckoning for you to do the same towards him with his fingers, and once your fingertips met, he took your hand in his and placed his other palm against the small of your back, your legs became a twisted mess at that moment, in the dance. He stopped you in your tracks and spun you in a pirouette, enjoying your laughter after he pulled you back to him and leaned you on your back, holding you in his arms, you felt the ground come impossibly close, yet Jhin tugged your body back up with ease. He picked you up and spun you around in his arms shortly, then after he placed you back on your feet he took a moment of repose in front of you before he took your hand in his and placed a kiss on it. “Thank you, that was delightful.” he spoke against your skin. “We should have done this more often.” he told you.

You reassured him with a smile, “We can, from now on.”

He paused for a moment, words briefly escaping him. “Yeah.” he smiled at you. “I also wanted to excuse myself for interrupting your little moment earlier,” he walked closer to you. “While it would be nice to have you right here, I think I would prefer the bed tonight.” Jhin smirked and took your hand in his, leading you away from the lake but not before admiring the way the moon shone in the stillness of the water - he saw a small insect land on it, and it caused tiny ripples in it; they grew ever larger, disturbing the surface with such ease. It mesmerized him, and he lingered his eyes on it. _“Such a small thing.”_ he thought.

“What are you looking at?” you asked, he seemed zoned out.

“Just admiring the view.” he replied looking away, then at you.

With a smile, you wrapped your arm around him and pulled him away, “Let’s go back.”

You spent most of the time on your way home filling the silence with talks about anything and everything, idle chatter between two lovers - small innocent jabs at each other, jokes about art and whatnot. Jhin chuckled at your pretend-acting as you spoke about one of your encounters with a patient. He brought up the subject of your hobby.

“What about your paintings?” he asked, curious about the fact that he never seemed to find you working on them anymore.

“Well…” you cleared your throat. “I gave up on it. I had less and less time on my hands, and after you came back, I completely dropped painting.” you spoke and your lips pressed together in a slight frown, “It’s not like I was that good at it, anyway.”

“You were decent.” he told you.

“Thanks, I guess.” you sighed and looked at him. Your eyes met, and in that second, everything seemed quiet; you noticed he had a sultry look in his eyes as he watched you, gaze lingering on yours, his pupils danced around slightly as he looked at your face. You did the same to him, the palpable tension between you was undeniable as he got closer to you, placing a hand on your neck, his skin was soft. You felt his finger caress your cheek briefly before his own lips followed soon after in a gentle, innocent kiss. You placed your hands on his and took a step closer, bumping into him; then, your touch flew ever so gracefully towards his own jawline, mirroring his pose. You kissed each other with such attention and care, it felt like it was your first time kissing each other. You felt your heart pound against your chest, a drumming rhythm within your being; you could only wonder if he was feeling the same at this moment, and all doubt was brushed away with his words.

“You are so lovely tonight, my darling,” he spoke against your lips. “Tell me, will you be mine tonight, as you were all those years ago?” he breathed out, eyes still closed and his mouth oh so close to yours. He placed another kiss on your lips before he let you speak.

You slightly opened your eyes and met his, “Always will be.” you smiled, pulling him closer by his waist. Your fingers dug in his clothes as you spoke, “I want you,” you leaned your head against his shoulder and bit his ear slightly, “And nothing more than to be yours forever.” you kissed his cheek, then his lips. You got pulled closer as he wrapped his hands around you, holding you by your shoulder blades, his fingers digging into you as if you were clay while he kissed you more passionately and slowly than before. You slightly groaned at his touch, pulling away from the kiss briefly to whisper. “Take me home.”

Jhin felt so desperate, but not just because of lust - he felt so powerless, his will was the only leash holding him away. He wanted only to wrap himself deeper in your affection, it was like a quick fix that buried the storm underneath his composure. He loved being loved by you, and he was certain he would beat the final nail in his own coffin if he would give in to it fully, recklessly abandoning everything he is. He hated this masquerade of love that he so carefully put up, immersing himself into it to the point of it becoming part of him - you were his, and he liked it; no, he loved it, albeit too much. He cleared his throat in your kiss and snapped his own mind into shape, focusing on you. He wrapped his arms around you tightly and picked you up. While he held you he saw your arms instantly wrap around his neck; he felt your lips crash down on his, and his fingers pressed were hard against you as he walked the short distance left.

You felt Jhin let you down when you reached the entrance and his body covered yours swiftly, pushing you against the door, all too ambitious in his desire. You opened it behind you just as he rested his hands against it, causing both of you to take a tumble; Jhin gracefully landed on top of you, now resting on his elbows, lips not parting with each other; you chuckled in the kiss. Your laughter quickly turned into a moan as you felt Jhin derail his lips to your neck. You hissed and sighed in pleasure, running your hands around his torso, pulling at his tunic in a frantic demeanor. You felt his hand sneak beneath your shoulder, pulling you even closer to him. You took his cheeks in your hands and drove his lips away from your neck back to your mouth. After a small breath, you began running your tongue against his lip, an invite for a deeper kiss that was so effortlessly accepted. You thought it impossible for a feeling such as this to return so easily after so long, and you felt even closer to him given what transcended. You just wanted to take more and more of Jhin’s affection, and tonight he seemed so eager to offer it. Overwhelmed with emotions, you clung to him in the kiss as if he would fly away with the slightest breeze. “Jhin,” you whispered.

“Yes, my dear,” he replied in a hush.

“I adore you.” you looked at him, holding a hand on his chest - his pulse felt fast, and shortly after you felt his forehead on yours, brows slightly furrowed, before he kissed you slowly, cupping your cheek in his palm.

He smiled and sighed, “And I, you.” he resumed his gesture of affection. With every word such as yours, he fell deeper and deeper into a guilt that could only consume his being from inside. Jhin slowly stopped his motion, “Come with me.” he helped you up from the floor, leading you towards the bed. He took your hands in his and brought you closer to him, taking backward steps, leading you with a kiss and gentle but passionate caresses all over your body. The moment his legs hit the bed, he turned around and pushed you down on it, crawling over you. His hands roamed your body with a playfully seductive touch and slipped them underneath your shirt, setting fire to your skin with each pinch or brush of his fingers. “Tonight, I want to offer you my greatest treasure.” he spoke against your collarbones as he began kissing them, moving his slippery pecks downwards to your still clothed chest, endorsing your reactive contortions beneath himself with more pleasant gestures such as these, hands searching for yours and entwining your fingers together, grasping you tightly. “My love.”

You brushed your legs against his in lustful movements, raising your hips into his with a hunger and desperation to know him inside you once more, a feeling you display with pride towards him; “Take me,” you pleaded with heavy breath. “Please.”

He clicked his tongue playfully and ran a finger across your lips, patiently and painfully teasing you, stretching out the moment as far as he could, relishing in your mewls with each kiss, bite, knead, touch, or lick. Jhin straightened himself slightly and if he could, he’d burn into his mind the image of you disheveled to the point of slight tears, biting your lip to muffle your begs. He took another good look at you, caressing your face with his palm, “I wish…” he drifted off into his own thoughts briefly.

You pulled him into another kiss, wrapping your legs around him. You pulled his head into the crook of your neck, “I wish you knew how much I loved you,” you whispered. Then, you began placing small pecks on his skin.

He hummed in your ear, “I believe I have an idea.” he chuckled and got up slightly and kissed you, running his hand towards your hips, then caressed your thighs; he gazed down on you, keeping you close to him. 

"Why don't you tease me some more?" You raised your shirt slightly, revealing the scar underneath your breasts. You saw Jhin bend down towards your torso, placing a kiss on it, and then his mouth began roaming your body once more. You felt his hands completely pull off your shirt.

"Be careful what you wish for." He got up and sat under his legs, with you underneath him; he smiled at you, exploring your body with a caring touch. "The way you look right now could drive any man insane." his tone was low, seductive and he cupped your chin in his fingers as he got closer to you, "Unfortunately for you, I'm already acquainted with the feeling." he kissed your neck, biting it a little bit roughly, "So, you will have to work a little harder for me," he whispered and cupped one of your breasts in his hand, grasping it slightly as he began kissing his way to it, leaving a trail of saliva and bite marks. He let go, coming back face to face with you and looked you in the eyes, placing a few fingers on your thigh and tracing your body upwards, slowing down between your legs. Jhin took pleasure in the way you fought against your impulses, as if to encourage him to try harder. "What a shame, it seems nothing I do gets through," he whispered while he undid the brooch that kept his tunic together, he saw you unable to hide your devilish smile and with a light movement, he got up once more. He ran a hand down his chest and stopped it dangerously close to his lower body, resting it on his rope belt.

You bit your lip and watched Jhin as he watched you, "Fuck," you sighed "The way _you_ look already drove me insane," you breathed out. You watched as he began undoing his tunic and your hands impatiently began tracing formless shapes on his silky skin. You then swiftly picked the robe belt in your hands and pulled at it, undoing it. He returned the gesture and did the same with the rest of your clothes; soon enough both of you were kissing each other with nothing between you. He felt hot and warm on top of you, his breathing was heavy against yours as you lost yourself in the feeling of him, his moans and pleasurable grunts enchanting your ears with each thrust and impulsive twitch of your hips, and your nails drawing stripes on his back, his teeth on your lips and the slight drunken torpor of each movement dictated a slow delightful pace of passion. You were on cloud nine, and all that was on your mind was Jhin. All that was on your body was also him, embracing you as if he had never seen you in so long, tightly keeping you close to himself while he sent waves upon waves of pleasure with his maddening rhythm. You sighed his name in a repeating chant, with each calling of yours he seemed to wrap himself tighter around you until there was barely any space left for you to move - not that you tried to, you clung to him in the heat of the moment, you briefly looked at Jhin; he was slightly out of breath.

He looked back at you, and before you spoke, he covered your mouth with his. He passionately kissed you while he made love to you; he wasn’t out of breath due to physical limitations - he simply felt overwhelmed with emotion. Jhin was living in the moment, but that came with the consequence of a looming guilt, nervousness and regret. They were mirrored by his pounding heartbeat and attachment to you, the need to simply keep you next to him. Yet, he could only keep up a straight act for so long, and he slowly stopped his pace in conclusion. He couldn’t bear this anymore, and it tore him in two. “I’m sorry,” he looked at you with pain in his eyes and removed himself from you, “I’m so-” he almost broke down; instead, he mustered his remaining strength and exhaled sharply.

Worried and surprised, you sat up next to him, placing an arm around his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” you asked him.

“I am not well.” he replied, no other words coming out of his mouth.

“Is it because of that commission?” you brushed his hair in place.

“Yes.” he sighed.

“What happened?” you pressed. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“It’s not what happened.” Jhin barely spoke. “It’s who it is-” he paused, “-was... Someone I knew.” he seemed distressed.

“I’m so sorry.” you took his hand in his. “Can I do something to help?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, then rested his head in his palms. “I tried to take my mind off it, but when you asked me if I’m not haunted by my art, it hit me.” he spoke in a low tone. “I will be, by this one.” he admitted.

“Jhin, I'm so sorry,” you cupped his chin in your hand, “Did this person know you’re the Golden Demon?” you caressed his cheek.

“Yes.” he replied. “But that wasn’t the reason I have the commission.”

Heartbroken yet slightly wary, your hand caressed him as you listened. _“Have?_ ” you thought, and turned Jhin to you. He avoided your gaze briefly but then his eyes met yours - they were slightly red. You pulled him into a hug, and he reciprocated the gesture. “Thank you for telling me.” you whispered.

“I know you must be upset.” he spoke.

“No, why would I be?” you let go of him and held his hands again.

He took a deep breath, "For interrupting our moment."

You shook your head and looked at his face again, there was shame written within the amalgam of emotions that was him right now. You leaned towards him and cupped his cheek in your hand, pulling him into a gentle kiss. “You need some rest.” you rubbed his shoulder.

“Perhaps.” he admitted and pulled some clothing on him, handing you your own items. “I’m sorry. I wanted this night to be special.” he apologized.

“It still is.” you smiled at him. “As long as we’re together, anything we do is special.” you reassured him, pulling your shirt on. “I'll be right back. Just try and relax.”

He caught you by your wrist, “Stay here. Please.” he shot you an uncertain look.

You stood next to him and gazed at his hand, now gripping yours tightly. There was a moment where you felt like you needed to leave, to clear your mind and to think about what just happened even though you wanted to be with him in a time of need such as this. “I will, I just need a moment, Jhin. I’m sorry. I just need to get some water.” you explained in a hurry.

He tightened his grasp on you before letting go.

You walked away, and went just outside the room where you exhaled silently - you then entered your bathroom and washed your face. Jhin’s words kept coming back at you, echoing within your memory. The way he spoke seemed so unclear, it only raised more questions than he answered. “Was it perhaps a botched job?” you thought, looking in the water; you raised your head and looked in the mirror, and what you saw left you in awe; there was a single rose petal drifting off away right behind you, and just as you touched it, it disappeared in a mist. You looked at your reflection again and opened the clenched fist you had; you composed yourself and got out of the room - you took a look around your house, it was so dark you could barely see anything, the only light coming was from your room. You heard Jhin shuffle around in it and paid him no mind as you walked to it. “Alright,” you spoke as you opened the door. “Let’s talk.” you saw him rest on the bed, knees bent towards his chest as he wrapped his hands around his ankles. He didn’t look at you.

“I would prefer not to,” he spoke. “I’ve already said too much.” he moved his eyes towards yours, “Come next to me.” he barely spoke in his whisper. “All the questions you might have will be answered in time.” he assured you. “Those can wait. I cannot.” Jhin insisted.

“I see.” you laid down next to him and he quickly mirrored you. “Well, I’m here.” you took his hand in yours as you laid down next to each other in silence. You moved closer to him and rested your head towards his, and felt him do the same. You closed your eyes and enjoyed this imperfect moment. “Let me know what to do for you.” you whispered.

He moved his arm around under you, grabbing your shoulder and pulling you closer, and turned around to face you. Jhin was silent but he was looking at you, knowing defeat once more. He wishes he told you the right words, yet he felt the ones he spoke were only damning him further. “I don’t suppose you can heal the past.” he closed his eyes and rested his head next to you.

“For you, I could at least try.” you chuckled sadly and waved strange gestures in the air, “That didn’t work, did it?” you rested your hand on his with a sigh.

He hummed a laugh. “No, but...Thank you.”

You turned to him and rested on your elbow, “Tell me Jhin, did you ever imagine we’d be like this when you first saw me?” you asked him, trying to take his mind off of whatever kept him so zoned out. “You and me. Two opposites, dare I say in love.”

“Did you?” he replied.

“No, yet I’m happy you're here anyway.” you smiled. “For all our ups and downs, being with you is an out of the ordinary experience, otherworldly even.” you thoughtfully paused for a moment, “It never occurred to me, though. Are we, you know?”

“I think you already have an answer for your question, and that is ‘yes’.” he looked at you, “A relationship like this with you is something I didn’t know I wanted nor needed.” Jhin spoke, his tone calm, “You are a distraction to my work though. A welcome one, for sure, but a distraction nonetheless.” he stated, “So many performances suffered in the name of your image.” he chuckled. Jhin kept explaining, his demeanor turned towards a more passionate approach, “You, my darling, have caused me to think about you so much when I’m away, that I can only add something of yours to all my art.” his face lightened and he now sat up next to you, waving a hand towards you, “Imagine the perfect painting, changed so much with just one tiny element. Some may call you an obsession, a fixation, but I can’t help but do it every time. You bring the element of contrast within a violent composition.” he gestured broadly around, so excited to talk about this topic.

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or disturbed, but I suppose I can be both at the same time.” you replied with a slight shock on your face. 

“Don’t you see?” he grabbed your hands in his. “Ah! What am I saying, of course, you don’t. You can’t possibly imagine my performances without being there. They’re all different, you know. I try to keep things fresh.” Jhin took pride in his work. “Even if you aren’t present, I know you understand though.” he spoke towards you, “Do you?”

“I really want to tell you I don’t, but I do.” you admitted with a slight grimace on your face. “The night of the play changed things for me. Death is still something I don’t want or enjoy, but even if the people I work with are alive I - I don’t know.” you sighed.

“You see it.” he cupped your chin in his hand.

“The Rose.” you whispered, and he nodded. “I know. I saw it when I almost died. I saw it when we met, and I imagine it was what I should have seen when I killed that man.” you spoke in a hush. “The Rose. I don’t know what it means.”

“Some things are better left unsaid, and some things are better left unknown.” he bent down and kissed you briefly, “As you are now tainted by it, I am cleansed by saving a life - yours. You and I are indeed opposites, my darling, except not entirely.” he pointed out. The shine in his eyes returned as he kept talking about his passion, his art, and you. He exhaled, relieved. “These are the gifts we gave each other.” Jhin laid down next to you again. “Thank you.” he whispered, caressing your cheek and turning his head towards you.

“Thank you, too.” you smiled at him and you locked eyes briefly, in a moment of silence. You giggled, “For not killing me, mainly. For the promise.” There was a romantic tension between you again, and you leaned into him for a kiss, a kiss that you received with a gentle hesitation.

Jhin looked at you, “As you had so many questions for me, my dear, I have one for you. What would be your perfect composition?” he smirked, placing his hand on your hip.

“Oh.” you whispered, “For… murdering someone?” you spoke cautiously.

“Of course not, you silly little thing.” he rolled his eyes. “For us. Romantically or sexually, if it needs to be obvious.” he took your hand in his and placed a kiss on it. “I want to make it up to you tonight for my… outburst.” he explained. “I can also use a distraction.”

“Ah, well...” you thought.

Jhin got on top of you, his face close to yours, eyes locked together. One hand of his was on the crook of your neck, and another rested on your chest. “Tell me how you want me.” he whispered. “I want you to experience perfection in your own way tonight.” he eagerly told you.

You looked at him with a worried but serious expression, unable to keep your thoughts to yourself any longer - he may want a distraction, but you can’t offer it when you were distracted yourself by the way he speaks; it just ticked you off slightly given he is so certain in his words - something just seemed off in his demeanor. “I can’t shake off the way you act.” you whispered with trembling hands, fearfully touching his cheek. "Jhin,” you furrowed your brows and avoided his gaze briefly before looking him in the eye as you asked your next question. “Is it me you have to kill?" you felt a tear leave the corner of your eye, your heart pounding so fast and so hard, you were so afraid of his answer.

He simply looked at you and the look in his eye gave you your answer. He knew he couldn’t hide it anymore. His facade was torn down, the charade he played ruined with just a few words - it destroyed everything he thought he could control. “Yes.” he whispered with hesitation.

You couldn't breathe. _"Nonono, this can't be happening,"_ you thought, panicking. You felt a knot in your throat grow ever tighter along with the feeling in your chest, your stomach turned upside down. Everything he did tonight made sense. You teared up and cried beneath him, your hand on your mouth; his hand was still resting on your skin, and you felt him tighten his grasp on you slightly while he caressed you as if he was trying to comfort you. “Why?” you exhaled, breath unsteady.

Jhin knew, and he felt so guilty for shifting his responsibility to you. “I wish I knew, my love.” he replied, “I was not given details.” he lied. It was because the man Jhin killed in your name. Petty revenge, spitting back in his face _._ He blamed himself. The client didn’t know Jhin was the one who killed his vigilante son - only that he died during his visit to you, or shortly after he came to you for healing, his body nowhere to be found; and for Jhin to admit he was the killer would forfeit all future contracts within the circle of his connections. He is selfish enough to give in to the fear of losing his art; your life was the price to pay for this fear. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he hugged you tightly. He knew that if he didn't fulfill this particular contract, the client will want to find out why, since Jhin always went through with his jobs without fault; and everyone who hired him knew that. It wouldn't take long, then, for his identity to be revealed to the world; he would lose everything he was as the Golden Demon and he was simply scared, in an egotistical way. For the world to know he loved, that he _was_ human after all, and for it to know of you as well, would put you in danger, too. It was simply a situation where he couldn't win.

“But you just saved me…” you spoke against his shoulder, “You promised.” you kept crying, “You promised you won’t kill me.” you tightened your grip on him, your heart absolutely in shambles and soul in pieces. “I trusted you!”

“I know. It is not I who wants you dead.” he tried to explain, “I am just the means for it.” Jhin calmly talked in a hush next to you, still holding you close, “I was so afraid a moment like this will be inevitable, and it breaks me in two that I have to do it.” he confessed.

You pushed him away, shaking. You got up from the bed and looked at him, “Why? Can’t you just say you killed me and lie? Aren’t lies and deceit clearly some of your talents?” you raised your voice. “I DON'T WANT TO DIE!” you reminded him, yelling and sobbing. You saw him get up next to you and took your wrists in his hands gently. “Jhin, I can’t- please.” you begged him in a hush, choking on your words, “Find another way.”

He was silent, “If I won’t kill you, someone else will. The contract will just be passed onto someone else and I just… I don’t want anyone else to be the one to kill you. The least I can do is offer you everything I can, everything you want; no victims of mine have the privilege you have.” he tried to convince you. “Please, I can’t stand to think you’ll be savagely murdered at the hands of anyone else. I care about you too much.” Jhin tried his best to ease you into your demise.

“If you cared this much you’d help me!” you yelled between tears. “I beg you, Jhin, please! Don’t do this.” your voice cracked, becoming a whisper, “Don’t do this…” you repeated.

“I think we both know I will.” he replied honestly, releasing your hands. He stood in front of you and watched you slowly become more and more defeated, the mood was heavy and tragic. He would have absolutely loved this scene had it not been him in the main role, but he can’t take pleasure in it, knowing he will be the one to end you. “You know, I had finally found my peace within you.” he whispered, looking down at you - you were resting on the floor, face in your hands and crying. “It pains me to see you like this.” he sat next to the bed, away from you. “But know that your death - inevitable as it is, will be how you and I see fit.” he told you.

“Why didn’t you just kill me when I was basically dead?” your trembling voice asked him.

He sighed, “A death that is not on my terms is not a death worth having.”

“Is that all I am to you now, then, a vessel for your art?” you looked up and he seemed just as troubled as you.

“You are more; I wanted you to be even more. But life is cruel in its ways.” he explained.

His words pierced your heart with a seething bitterness, “When do I die?” you fearfully asked.

“I don’t know. I’d like to say never, but time is running out.” he lent you his hand, “We have a few days. I plead to you, my darling, to tell me your final wants. I wish only to help you, in a way.”

“I want to live.” you spat your words, “But that can’t happen, can it?” your voice was laced with anger between your hitched breaths and saddened tone. You looked at Jhin, who waited for you to accept his hand. “I can’t even look at you.” your gaze averted from him. “I love you, Jhin. You, on the other hand, clearly don’t love me.” you accused him.

“That isn’t true!” Jhin harshly spoke; he forcefully took your hand in his and didn't realize it would scare you as much as it did. He leaned down towards you, with a saddened look in his eyes, his grip on you softer, his tone also now more calm. “If it was so, I would have let some other miserable failure of an assassin take your life. I wouldn’t have even blinked; yet, here I am, trying to make your last moments the best you’ve had.” he argued.

“I can’t enjoy anything knowing I’ll die soon.” you spoke with a gloomy tone.

He kneeled down to you, gently touching your chin; he didn’t force you to look at him as he spoke. “Live with me tonight, my darling, and place your trust one more time in me to make your death an irresistible one, perfectly beautiful and serene.” he whispered, “Please.”

“Dammit, Jhin...” you breathed out, barely coming to your senses. "Can't I say or do anything to change your mind?” your sob turned into a weep, then into muffled sniffs. You kept avoiding him, feeling so defenseless; afraid he’ll kill you at any moment now, jumping at every slight touch and shaking slightly.

He placed a hand on your back and spoke with a heavy sigh. "No," he looked out the window - it was still night time, and everything was pitch black outside. Only the moon shone through the trees. Jhin stood up and directed you to sit on the bed with no words, and the moment you sat down, he walked towards the candles and blew them. In the dark, Jhin sat next to you and spoke in a hush, “If you can’t look at me, I want you to at least feel me, hear me.” he took your hand in his gently and felt your fingers entwine with hesitation. He fears the morning will come too soon, and so will your death - he won’t stand to see you turned into art; the only time he will hesitate to look at it - he imagined this moment so different in his head, so perfectly framed and beautifully executed, a marvelous demise, the grand finale. Reality couldn't be further from his fantasy. He sat closer next to you and weakly placed his hand on your thigh. “The offer still stands; I want to do everything I can for you.”

“Tell me everything Jhin; about the future we’ll never have, the uncertain present and the past that you cherish. Tell me who I am to you and who _you_ are.” you whispered, leaning your back against his. “No more secrets. I deserve at least that.”

“I was hoping for that.” he admitted with a slight smile in the dark, “You see, I have always thought of you in moments of loneliness - memories of your laughter, the way you tease me, or the way you simply exist. It filled me with hope, inspiration, a tinge of sadness.” Jhin spoke.

“Sadness?” you asked.

“For all the moments that we missed.” he replied. “The dances we never had, the nights spent apart; all those years where nothing happened. I couldn’t think of how I made you feel then, and that is one of my deepest regrets.” Jhin furrowed his brows and sighed. “I couldn’t offer you the life you maybe wished with me. It simply saddened me every time you asked me to stay. I wanted to, but my calling is elsewhere.”

“Your art.” you whispered.

“Yes. I cannot resist my own nature.” Jhin regretfully spoke.

“What about you? You never told me details of your life before we met." you noted in a hush.

“They are nothing but sour memories I despise - mostly of my father; he had other dreams for me. I simply was a disappointment in his eyes. Enough about that, though. There is nothing more than pain locked away there.” he recalled, his heart heavy. "I am now a disappointment to you as well." Jhin told you.

“In a way,” you spoke, and tried to look at Jhin through the darkness, "But only because we didn't get to spend more time together." you turned around and so did he; you leaned your head against his chest, and noticed his breath was calm. “What of this moment, then?” you asked.

“You are my sole focus tonight.” he got closer to you, his hand working its way upwards to your cheek with barely a touch. He felt you lean into it and he came closer to your face, in an almost-kiss. “I only wish you had the spotlight more, so to say.” Jhin whispered.

“Do you want to kill me now?” you asked, slowly accepting there was no way out - hopeless and broken.

“I want to kiss you.” he answered, and felt your lips come to his, and the miserable passionate kiss made him feel free, the way sadness and love mixed together was just right to him. He felt like killing you was the ultimate punishment for his love. Jhin spoke against your lips, “Death may wait.” he confessed, his hands carefully holding you.

You pulled him on top of you and as you made out, you were crying knowing it will be one of the last kisses you’ll ever have. You were wondering if the taste of your tears excited his twisted mind, then you felt his hand wipe them away with a caress, and you held him by his neck so tightly close to keep him from getting away, afraid any other movement of his would be the last one you'll feel. You felt so anxious and weak beneath him; you kissed him with a sour anger, a passionate hate and spite. You pulled his hair and dug your fingernails so hard into his skin, yet you were rewarded with no reaction, only a gentle touch - you gasped shortly in fear when you felt him pull away.

He broke the kiss and laid next to you, his hand rested on your waist and he held you close to him, he felt your hand on his shoulder, your fingers holding on to him tightly. “As for the future I would’ve like to have with you, perhaps it is hopelessly romantic, but the thought of living together did entice me more than I’d like to admit. To have you close to me at all times was just a dream; an insufferable broken dream. Perhaps, I would have wanted maybe even more,” he took your hand in his, “Had we been ordinary people.” Jhin whispered.

“Had you not been who you are.” you corrected. “I am... was plenty ordinary.” you sighed desperately.

“Not to me.” he murmured. He got on top of you once more and he began kissing you, cupping your face in his palms. The way he kissed you with such passion spoke everything left unspoken, and his actions recalled gestures long forgotten, his own tears betraying him, trailing down on his skin. “I can only hope now that I meant to you as much as you do to me, in this moment.” he whispered before he resumed kissing you; Jhin briefly caressed your face in the darkness.

You silently averted your gaze towards the window - the blue and black hues of the night washed over everything.

“Perhaps the next life will be ordinary for us,” Jhin told you. "Alas, it wouldn't be as dramatic as this one." he smiled sadly with a shy chuckle.

As did you, before you spoke.“Tell me...” you took his hand in yours, bringing him close to you. Your lips met once more before you continued, the moment all too tense from everything that was happening, “Tell me your real name. I want to know who I love. I want to know the real you.” you whispered, cupping his face in your hands with a heavy feeling in your heart.

“Will you still love me if I tell you?” He looked at you with uncertainty and rested his forehead against yours; his hand shimmied under the pillow next to you and he gripped his gun and the other held you gently by the back of your neck while waiting for your answer.

“I promise, Jhin.” you whispered, a tear graced your cheek with a glistening trail and your eyes met in the dark as you felt something cold against your chest.

There was a deafening silence that filled the room for a moment.

He kissed you with a sadness he’s never felt before, a kiss so empty and cold; his finger slowly pulled the trigger as he whispered.

**IV**

_“I am the Golden Demon, and I loved you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s all, folks! This story has been such a journey for me. From start to finish, I was fully invested in it, to the point it drained me emotionally by putting myself in the characters’ shoes to immerse myself in order to be able to write the scenes. It also taught me so many things about writing - I want to believe I managed to improve with every chapter that I posted, and I can hope so much that you’ve enjoyed it along with me, I had a lot of fun writing it. Looking back now, I didn’t expect it to become so well-received and I am fully thankful you were all patient with me. I also did not foresee that I would jump from writing smut with plot to something more complicated; and I feel bad for not thinking it out ahead and winging it. I believe you all deserve a fully coherent story and I want to go back at some point and redo The Promise; rereading it now, there’s so many things I can improve and I want to do that, in time. Until then, I will want to continue writing Jhin, and I would also like to try my hand at Thresh eventually.
> 
> I look forward to seeing everyone’s reaction to these last chapters and I want to believe I only did what I thought was natural to Jhin’s character and motivations in regards to the reader, and boy, was I nervous to post this - I’ve spent countless nights making sure everything about the end was as good as I can make it; I wanted it to be perfect.
> 
> For now, I want to thank everyone again for experiencing this with me and I want you all to know how much your feedback means! I truly enjoy reading all comments and it hypes me up so much to the point I feel like a flustered schoolgirl when I do. 
> 
> That said, it feels strange to finally come to an end. I now look forward to a fresh start for the reader and Jhin in my future fics, and I wish you all the best until we meet again, “in another life”! ♥


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